Like half these are just part of the BJJ experience
Blowjob-job?
I will turn you into a one-man human centipede
Is this with clones or more of an ouroboros situation?
I will measure the total length of all the nerves in your body
I will make you look yourself in the eye without using a mirror
So a selfie camera on a phone then?
I was trying to avoid explicitly saying “I’ll make you look yourself in the eye with your other eye” to leave a little something to the reader’s imagination. That was my fault. Congratulations, you found a loophole in my wording.
I will own your fingernails.
I will rat king your left shoes.
I will place your skull in my xylophone.
I’ll sew your asshole shut and keep feedn ya and feedn ya - Method Man
My dad used to threaten he would put our head in between two ears when we were really young.
If you say it quickly and harshly enough, it sounds kinda menacing.
Thankfully they explained this wasn’t an exhaustive list, I thought these were all the possible unsettling threats in the English language.
I will take away your healthcare.
I will take away your job.
I will take away your children.
I’ll take away your children’s protection from preventable diseases.
I’ll ruin your children’s education by firing most of the oversight and hiring an unqualified person to run the department of education.
I’ll cause the things you need to buy to widely fluctuate in price due to tarrifs or the threat of tarrifs.
I’ll undermine the government so much they can’t get rid of me or my cohorts.
And also I’ll boil your teeth. That was a fun one too.
Damn lefties are scary. Except for the tariffs, those aren’t scary
We get it, you’re one of three conservatives on Lemmy and you have warped ideas about leftists. 👍
I hang around them enough to get a decent idea from y’all.
Doesn’t seem like it on both fronts, but ok. 🤷♂️
I literally hang out on lemmy
So? Btw, your comment history says you browse on occasion at best.
Here’s one.
“I’ll break half the bones in your body.”
Fun fact, half of all bones in the human body are in the hands and feet.
Plus, you get bonus horror from Xeno’s paradox. If you break 103, they now have 309 bones, so you only broke a third, requiring you to break more bones and so on and so forth.
It’s late and I don’t want to do the math or remember how you could solve the paradox, so I’ll just ask it case someone’s head is less empty than mine right now. Does that number converge assuming we always break an integer amounts of bones? My belly is telling me it does converge because we went from 0% to ⅓ in the first step and we want to land at 50%.
It’s convergent, but I don’t think that fact will matter much after the first few iterations of the series anyway.
I will invert your ribcage
The vikings called that the blood eagle, it wasn’t so much unsettling, more like horrifying. (we don’t know if it was real or just stories)
Once upon a time I heard a call scream “I will shit IN you!” and it’s stuck with me ever since.
