Throw away account obviously but I’m sitting here, on a Friday night alone. I recently split off with my fiancee of 2 years, we were supposed to be wed in a few months. Shes off partying and living life up, and I’m happy for her. We still live together for the time being before our lease ends. This is exactly how my previous relationship ended. Ironic. She has a social circle to support her.
Well, throughout the course of 5 years, I have slowly burned many bridges of friends and over the course of 10 years, have destroyed many women’s perception of trust. The list goes on. My regret and guilt is an all time high.
On top of this, my family doesn’t really know the real me. I have such a hard time making connections with them and others at this point of my life.
I am seeking to rectify the entire situation by trying some therapeutic techniques. AMA.
Tried therapy or counseling of sone sort? The fact that understood the problem, will make therapy eady to accept IMO. So if you haven’t tried, I highly recommend it.
Yes I have, I’ve had multiple sessions spanning from different providers with different credentials each (psychotherapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, counselor, LMFT) and all these different visits spanned across years of my life. Between 3-5 years now that I recall. I don’t regret most, but I regret some. I’ve told some of them some very traumatizing things and can’t help but feel judged as a human, even though they are literally paid to not judge me. It’s a difficult thing to balance in my brain right now.
Finding a right therapist is actually very difficult. Were you able to do therapy regularly? Or it was more like you saw them only during crisis? If it was irregular due to bad experience with therapists, it should not discourage you to seek help again.
I don’t know anything about you other than what you said in the post. But my gut feeling is that you need some for of intervention, and good guidance on how to work out things. In another comment you mentioned about spirituality. There are counselling services associated with different religious institutions. That can also be an option. But again, as my psychiatrist ones said, it is difficult to find a good psychologist who won’t influence you with their own personal biases.
If you have good savings, and can afford to not work for a few months, then some form of retreat into a less chaotic place can also be a good idea.