My wife and I have been sharing finances and everything forever. But many people don’t and it really feels like it’s because they half know it’s not going to work out. So they just don’t bother committing.
Nahh, I’d just rather avoid the arguments over what she spends money on. I disagree with it, but we keep our finances separate so it’s her money to spend, not our money to discuss how it gets spent.
If you two make enough that she can keep her own money and buy whatever she wants without affecting your finances, then arguing about what she spends money on when your finances aren’t separate has nothing to do with money.
Same. We have our own accounts as well as shared accounts. We both put the same amount into our shared accounts but also maintain the rest separately. Best of both worlds. No reason to agree about non-shared expenses. I watched my parents argue over money too many times to want that in my life. We don’t need to agree or share opinions on non-shared purchases.
Honestly, to me even watching people do that whole “we share everything, we have no secrets, we completely gave up our own personality” routine is incredibly creepy. I wouldn’t want a partner who expects the relationship to replace literally everything in their life, that sounds exhausting. Not to mention that I am definitely not going to share everything someone else tells me in confidence with any partner, those are not my secrets to share.
I mean, whatever works for you and for your relationship.
I’m sure some relationships are like you described, and that does seem asphyxiating, but there’s a middle ground where one can trust a partner with shared finances knowing that they are responsible and that big ticket items are discussed and agreed between the two.
As for secrets, it depends. If it is something that relates directly to my partner and affects them, I will tell them always. Otherwise, no. There’s no expectation from them that I’ll share every last secret about everyone they know, or vice versa.
Matter of taste. With my last husband, we just placed both our salaries into a shared account, took all the expenses out of it, then split the remainder 50/50. Each one could do whatever they wanted with their half, and we even had a flex account for house expenses that weren’t covered in the original expenses calculation, and it worked great.
My wife and I have been sharing finances and everything forever. But many people don’t and it really feels like it’s because they half know it’s not going to work out. So they just don’t bother committing.
Nahh, I’d just rather avoid the arguments over what she spends money on. I disagree with it, but we keep our finances separate so it’s her money to spend, not our money to discuss how it gets spent.
Just easier that way
If you two make enough that she can keep her own money and buy whatever she wants without affecting your finances, then arguing about what she spends money on when your finances aren’t separate has nothing to do with money.
Same. We have our own accounts as well as shared accounts. We both put the same amount into our shared accounts but also maintain the rest separately. Best of both worlds. No reason to agree about non-shared expenses. I watched my parents argue over money too many times to want that in my life. We don’t need to agree or share opinions on non-shared purchases.
Honestly, to me even watching people do that whole “we share everything, we have no secrets, we completely gave up our own personality” routine is incredibly creepy. I wouldn’t want a partner who expects the relationship to replace literally everything in their life, that sounds exhausting. Not to mention that I am definitely not going to share everything someone else tells me in confidence with any partner, those are not my secrets to share.
I mean, whatever works for you and for your relationship.
I’m sure some relationships are like you described, and that does seem asphyxiating, but there’s a middle ground where one can trust a partner with shared finances knowing that they are responsible and that big ticket items are discussed and agreed between the two.
As for secrets, it depends. If it is something that relates directly to my partner and affects them, I will tell them always. Otherwise, no. There’s no expectation from them that I’ll share every last secret about everyone they know, or vice versa.
Matter of taste. With my last husband, we just placed both our salaries into a shared account, took all the expenses out of it, then split the remainder 50/50. Each one could do whatever they wanted with their half, and we even had a flex account for house expenses that weren’t covered in the original expenses calculation, and it worked great.