The other day, my parents asked me (22M) if there were any women that I find attractive (I guess because they’re paranoid about me being gay lol) and I told them yes, there’s a fair number of women that I’ve seen in public that I’ve found attractive.

They asked me, “Do you talk to any of them?” and I said “No??? It’s inappropriate to approach women in public unless you have business with them.”

I told them that it is only appropriate for a man to talk to a woman he doesn’t know when the social situation is explicitly designed for meeting strangers—dating apps, hobby groups, meeting friends of friends, etc. In my view, cold approaching women you don’t know just because you’re attracted to them is harassment.

My parents told me that I’m being ridiculous and making excuses because I’m nervous. They are adamant that I need to learn to approach women or else I will never find a partner. I told them that times have changed and this is disrespectful and potentially predatory behavior along the lines of unsolicited flirting and catcalling. Approaching women is a violation of their personal space and could make them feel very uncomfortable, especially if they feel like they don’t have an easy way out.

My parents are almost 60 and they are very conservative, so they don’t exactly follow progressive discourse, and I feel like they’re super out of touch on this as a result. Particularly, my mom tends to strike up conversations with other women in public, and she’s skeptical when I tell her that I can’t do the same thing because I’m a man and would be viewed as a potential predator.

But I also don’t get out much, which makes me second-guess how distorted my understanding of the social world is from reality. My parents are like a broken clock, and sometimes they DO have a point about something despite 90% of their opinions being insane. Maybe there is a more nuanced reality that I’m not picking up on.

So I wanted to ask here. Are my parents out of touch? Am I out of touch? Are we both wrong? I want to know your opinion.

  • BlameThePeacock@lemmy.caEnglish
    0·
    14 hours ago

    I’m 40, and married. This isn’t about me.

    You still don’t get it through, you say talk to them first, but thay limits when you can even start a conversation to very limited locations and certainly doesn’t include your suggestions around a park or embankment.

    • klemptor@startrek.website
      0·
      13 hours ago

      A couple of things:

      1. I’m not the ‘park or embankment’ person, I was just using your response to that person to point out why cold-approaching someone for their digits is a bad idea.
      2. I’m 43 and married, not sure why that should be relevant? Never meant to imply it was about you; I was using the ‘general you’.
      3. The whole point is quality over quantity, which is why it’s in both parties’ interest to chat a bit first and see if there’s potential. It’s a small investment of time and effort to see if there’s anything there that’s worth pursuing. Some guys seem to think it’s a numbers game - that if you just shoot your shot (again, the general you) with a bunch of women, some percentage of them will land. That’s a recipe for frustration. I would never just give my number to a guy who asked for it out of the blue, and I’d reckon most women wouldn’t either.
      4. You keep talking about limited locations, but I disagree that they’re limited. Look for women where people go to socialize - bars, live music, book clubs, hobby events (e.g., group hikes if you’re a hiker). And this is the perfect venue to casually chat with the woman and feel out the situation.

      I don’t know what to tell you man. There are people all through this thread telling you it’s not as dire and impossible as you seem to think it is.