Let him keep the stuff. If the other boy’s parents don’t care, why should you?

When i was maybe 11, couldn’t go on a class field trip because my family couldn’t afford it.

My friend group got the money together so i could join them.

I still wasnt allowed to go on the trip because what i learned late was embarrassment that my family could afford it.

It was less than 50$

I’m still salty about that

Its said its better to give than recieve but for many folks its easier to give than to recieve. Accepting and appreciating something given in good faith is a good thing to cultivate in oneself. Unfortunately we tend to have a culture of mandatory gift giving and reciprocating that tends to result in a lot of junk being created. Its good to have something that is wanted and will be useful. Now if his friend holds it over him in some way then it will ruin the friendship but thats sorta fine as likely it was not a good one anyway, but lets hope that is not the case.

Probably just think about why that gift is a concern for you, then discuss your concerns with your boy

1. Is your bond solid?
2. Does he know the value of work?
3. Does he know how much most people would have to work to get that phone?
4. Does his friendship nourish him?

Next time the parents decide they, assumingly from a good place, give your son an expensive gift, have them run it by you. Talk to them like they actually care for your son and know, for yourself, that your care is different than theirs. We all need a lot of caring adults when we’re young.

Steal from the rich: accept expensive gifts from the rich

Give to the poor: at the very least see if anyone needs his old phone. One of you may know somebody who has a cracked screen and is willing to up/side/downgrade to a phone in better condition.

I don’t think that the gift in itself is a problem or that your son should return it, however I would talk to your son about a power imbalance and make sure that his friend isn’t asking for anything in return or manipulating him. Expensive gifts that have to be paid back is a tactic that gangs (allegedly) use to recruit people but if they are really best friends then I wouldn’t be worried.

Why do you want him to return his gift? “A bit too much” can mean a lot of things.

LET. YOUR. KID. KEEP. THE. DAMN. GIFT.

If you take it away, the damage you may cause to you and yours sons relationship will FAR exceed the value of a phone.

Also, and I’m not saying this as an insult, it sounds like this is less about a phone, and more about pride. You didn’t get your kid an expensive phone so him having it is a reminder his best friend’s patents can afford what you cannot. Maybe tell your child that they are so loved in this world by others that they want him to be blessed by gifts he wouldn’t otherwise have. Show him he’s a valuable person who has earned such a nice gesture because of who he is and what he means to others. Make sure he doesn’t take such a kind action for granted.

But please, let your boy keep the gift. Him having it means way more than it does to you giving it back.

Genuine serious question, and I’m certainly not implying that you should but, do you feel humiliated at all?

Money means different things to different people. Look at it this way:

A person is a billionaire and they buy your son a car worth $90k. That would be equivalent to if you make $100k and decide to purchase something for $9. Would you care if your son spent $9 on a friend?

I understand your reservations as I would have them too. But keep in mind, giving your kid that kind of access to a network of that level is priceless. As long as the friend isn’t making your son feel subservient or lesser in any way, I’d leave it be.

My only concern is that kids that come from that kind of money, have access to very expensive lawyers, and therefore take risks most people wouldn’t take. I have seen it happen in person where I live (well used to live). It was an affluent neighborhood and sometimes the kids of these affluent people were complete obnoxious assholes. Not all of them, but definitely a statistically significant portion. That’s what I would be more concerned with. Just my 2¢.

I’m glad you’re involved enough to know this and care about it. I’m 44 and have no kids, so take this with a huge grain of salt… But I’d probably let my kid keep it. At 16 you can just sit them down and have a talk with them about it. (And it sounds like you have.) Let them know this means his friend’s family has money that he does not, and you do not.

Let him know that he shouldn’t take advantage of his friend’s cavalier attitude and kindness, nor should he let his friend’s familial wealth pressure him. He should appreciate this, but not expect it, or feel guilty about it. And let him know this is a complex thing, and if they need to talk about it, it’s better they approach you to talk about it early rather than late.

Underscore that this is squarely his friend’s parents money, not his friend’s. It can come and go at any time, and that’s okay. Value the friendship more than the money, and if that changes, don’t accept such gifts.

My folks would invite a cousin my age over for the night before Christmas when we were all in our mid teens. The next morning he would things like clothes, shoes, and an electric razor; things a young guy needs. My folks were not rich, just lower middle class and able to help out. It’s a different situation than your in. But if this family of your child’s friend has money and wants to spread the love and is capable of doing so in an adult and healthy way, I personally think 16 is an age at which someone can begin to deal with the complex dynamics of monetary differences.

You know your kid better than us strangers online. And remember, they also have you on their side. Growing up is going to be difficult anyway. Just be there for them when they need it, and they’ll probably be fine.

Edit: And also maybe get to know the other set of parents better. Explain to them you’re appreciative of their kindness, and so is your son, but that your concern is just that you don’t want it to create an awkward dynamic between your children in the future. Again 16 is young adult, but still a kid, so I understand your concern. They probably will to.

I’d be more concerned about teaching your son not to take advantage of his rich friend, to not ask him for his money and to buy him things or whatever

The phone was bought so the friends could match. This implies there is something negative about them not matching.

A discussion about materialism, peer pressure and fashion is what is needed.

If you go back on your son receiving this gift, it’ll be a dick of a dad move. Like some people have mentioned your best bet is probably to have a discussion about wealth and ethics with your son as well as letting him know your concerns. Like some people say, it’s a lot of money for YOU, for these people it’s not.