cross-posted from: https://reddthat.com/post/43565899
Context: I’m 19 and have had my driver’s license since last summer. I was never interested in driving, but my family pressured me into signing up for driving school (they said it’s a basic skill), so I did it and got my license - somehow - despite never feeling safe or in control behind the wheel during the learning process. I haven’t driven much since then, but on the few occasions I did, I still felt out of control. Two weeks ago, I had a pretty bad car accident due to failing to yield the right of way (I struggle with multitasking). I got hit by two cars. Thankfully, my boyfriend was with me. He’s a bit older and much more confident, extroverted, brave, and uninhibited - he managed to handle the situation with the other drivers and deal with all the protocols for me because I was completely overwhelmed and just crying. Thankfully, no one was hurt, so I only got my license suspended for 60 days, a fine, and I have to pay for the damages. My dad settled all of that already. Now I don’t want to ever drive again. But my dad says it’s fine and that every driver gets into an accident at some point.
As said in the other community you posted this in - I don’t think you are crazy for not wanting to drive, but don’t think it’s a good idea to quit because of the accident, either. Your dad is right, everyone does get on an accident eventually. I had a very bad one that totalled my car (someone ran a stop sign) and the trauma made me a bad driver for awhile, so watch out for that. But getting back behind the wheel, overcoming your fear and becoming a competent and comfortable driver is a life skill that will help you, even if you decide that you don’t want to have a car. The life skill of getting back in the saddle after a fall (metaphorically speaking) is an even more important life skill. But driving in particular really is helpful - I mostly bike now, but being able to drive well comes in handy at least weekly.
the crosspost link doesn’t work so I can’t tell, is this your post or are you sharing this post that some other person made?
Anyone in a big city should just change their lifestyle to go without a car, and use bicycles, public transit to get where they need for work and errands, and rent a car, van or truck when they need to go far or haul a big thing.
If you are learning to drive (perhaps it’s the only viable transport option in your town) The important thing is: don’t let other impatient drivers coax you into doing something dangerous.
Look wide and far, and drive with plenty of space in front of you. Fear and panic will only narrow your vision and make you blind to things. Practice will make you routinely go through the steps you need to do and what to look for, so you don’t have to worry you are forgetting a step or multitask. (E.g. changing lanes: Lane Check, Signal, Blind spot, lane check, turn)
If you have a 3 second buffer or more in front of you (time between the vehicle in front crosses a shadow, sign or line to where your hood does) then you will have enough time to react to 99.5% of potentially bad situations.
Driving suck but is neccessary in a lot of places these days. I manage to avoid as much as I can but RTO mandates can only be ignored for so long
Only necessary because we make it necessary.
*unless you live in a rural area, believe me its necessary then.
because we make it necessary
Shut the fuck up with that “rural needs cars” bullshit.
agree
Not driving when you feel that you cannot do it safely is a mature decision. Driving is not a requirement for a good life.
They said, should you want to continue to drive, drive like a granny and don’t let anyone stress you to get out of your comfort zone. Driving like an old granny is the safest way to drive. If you need to drive slow to feel in control that is what you should do. Ignore any ass hat that gets stressed behind you. If they honk or try to force you to speed up, just ignore them. Go at your own pace. The same goes for any passenger in your car that tries to get you to speed up or go out into a crossing before you are certain you are on top of things. Ignore them or throw them out. When you drive, you decide what is a safe speed. Everyone else can fuck off.
I do want to add in that driving slowly isn’t safer, but driving predictably is. If it is easier for you, driving slowly is fine, but be sure to use directionals and other signals to indicate intent to other drivers, make sure to follow the signs and rules of the road consistently, and be aware of the other cars around you who may drive eradically if they are getting frustrated.
Being able to multitask well is fundamental with driving safely, and keeping your speed low is one way you can reduce that mental load. But driving slowly on its own will not do anything to keep you safer. (Rather, low speed collisions are safer, but driving slow won’t necessarily prevent collisions or accidents on its own.)
Single smartest decision I’ve ever made was applying my hatred of rushing to my driving habits. I still mostly move with the flow of traffic, the faster lanes even, but when it comes to decisions, its a coin-toss between taking the absolute correct decision or hitting the brakes(brakes will suffice for 95% of decisions, and if not, you’re speeding or following to close). Once stopped at an intersection, there is no reason to proceed until you’re certain you should.
if you’re going to drive like a granny, you need to be aware of the road rules around when you need to pull over and let people pass. in some places (parts of TX for example) if you are going under the speed limit and there are 5 or more vehicles behind you, you are obligated to let them pass.
as someone who feels their heartrate spike just from being near loud traffic, god bless grandma drivers. PLEASE go 30km/h on 60km/h roads and force everyone behind you to atone for their daily sins
There are infinite wrong ways to go about a problem, and yours is one of them.
cope and seethe, maybe get a moped so you can nimbly get around them?
I’d rather campaign for traffic calming features and lower speed limits, but you do you.
If you’re not going to drive, you’re going to need to account for that with the rest of what you do. If you move somewhere like NYC that has working mass transit, it’s not a problem. Most people here don’t drive, or drive rarely. Not driving (or not even owning a car) is a viable option.
If on the other hand you want to live in some suburb where the nearest food is 3 miles away with no sidewalks , you’re going to have a bad time.
edit: clarity
Absolutely get the anxiety, though I will agree with your family that it’s a basic skill. Astonishingly, a significant number of jobs here in the US require a driver’s license, even if driving isn’t part of the job responsibilities. A friend of mine is hitting this right now and it’s making their life a lot harder.
My ex gf of 30yo(at the time of breakup) got into an accident a few months she started to drive(18yo at the time), some asshat driving a pickup decided to run the red light and hit her car, and her car flipped, almost killed her. She never drive since then. Driving is incredibly dangerous tbh and people never seems to realise that, so i can understand how oop feel.
This.
Driving is a highly dangerous activity that really only people who are qualified and fit enough for it should do.
Yet we made whole regions dependant on driving. Depending on the country, driving licenses are handed out to kids after a 2h course and we let old, demented and totally unfit people drive as if it was a basic human right.
We wouldn’t let just anyone drive a small forklift at low speeds, because we understand that to be dangerous, but just about anyone can drive a heavy truck or SUV at high speeds.
It’s fine.
It’s good to know how for an emergency, but really not required, especially if you choose to live in a location with more walkable neighborhoods and modern public transit (a rarity in the US, but doable).
About 30% of US homes don’t even own a car.
Build the life YOU want to have, not what people tell you is normal or correct.
It’s not for everyone. About 10% of people almost never drive. Up to 20% in urban areas of countries with good public transport.
I support your decision not to drive, and I can relate to your situation, I had a simular experience back when I was fresh out of driving school. I would advise you to at least drive a bit, with someone who has experience in driving and who you trust. Roads that you know, that you feel comfortable. I’m a bit worried that you otherwise develop a more deep fear of driving all together. And depending on the region you’re living in, you might be required to drove, to get a loved one to a doktor, for example. And you don’t need to drive all the time, or never, you can also decide just to switch sometimes, depending on how you feel. The first time after an accident is defenetly the hardest. But I’m happy that I did it at some point. Even tho I mostly use public transport today. Just cause I knew, if I would need o drive at one point, I could.
Sounds like someone who is very immature and irresponsible for their actions.
Her father? I agree. She’s the one trying to act responsibly.
A responsible person would not step foot in a 2000 pound automobile capable of traveling 100 mph unless they felt absolutely confident in their abilities
That’s what she’s trying to do. Why would you call her immature or irrespobsible if she doesn’t feel safe driving and in fact isn’t safe driving and then decides that she isn’t fit to drive?
Not stepping foot in it again is what she’s trying to do though?
