My ideal partner would have exactly identical personality to me.

During highschool I would regularly imagine a “perfect crush” during bus rides. In my last year I had that “damn I was an edgy asshole during middle and highschool” moment and I wanted to change.

So since my friend group is also jerks like me I just started imitating that imaginary person until “fake it til you make it” kicked in.

Everything from my sense of humour to taste in music changed over time. I even became a slightly bit more feminine when I used to be hardcore Matt Walsh fan until this point.

I also got hobbies I just thought looked attractive like Archery. I got into computers because this.

I realized I was trans in middle school, i said something suicidal to my friend and he told on me. I never really talked to the therapists because my mom was very homophobic. I got put on antidepressants and suppressed my feelings so hard I can hardly remember my childhood.
5 years later my depression went into “full remission” couple of months before I came out. I then 180°d and got sent to the psych ward for suicide ideation this February.

The only thing that stopped me from killing myself is the realization that my cat would be rubbing against my body for pets in the ~10 hours it would take for my family to find me. I was planning to buy a knife after work but broke down in the bathroom.

I’m wondering if there being 99.99% humans would make them all more valuable. And sometimes I just think maybe it would be for the best. But that is a bit insane, so I push it aside. But being treated like living garbage really does give you some ideas

When I was a kid I told a Special Ed teacher who I trusted that one of the gym teachers was having sex with high school students and grooming girls as young as 14.

Rather than report this to the authorities he told the gym teacher what was said. The next day the gym teacher (who was a big former semi-pro football player or something like that) cornered me and intimidated me into shutting my mouth.

2 years later a former student confronted the gym teacher’s wife. In the fallout his behavior came to light and he left our school and went to teach a few towns over. The Special Ed teacher joked about it after the fact.

It was probably 20 years before I fully understood the scope of how disgusting that situation was.

I once walked around for two days with a piece of someone else’s bone stuck in my thumb.

I can honestly say I don’t feel the emotion of guilt. I’m not a psychopath. I have a conscience and have a very strong moral compass.

But I don’t feel guilty. Just fear of getting caught… In fact what I feel most is fear. The only person who I feel happy with is my girlfriend and if she ever breaks up with me it’ll probably break me as a man.

I was witness to a very gorey and fatal lathe accident. It was bad enough that they shut the shop down for a month and paid for some therapy.

I promise you he fucked her one more time.

My knife collection began because I was suicidal.

To keep myself around I got a bunch of knives so I wouldn’t pick a favorite and “dissapoint” the others.

…I got better.

My parents made me way too casual of a liar…

Okay it might have been my fault

almost blew myself up for good after a pistol flare exploded half a meter from my face.
went to the ER with superficial burns on my left hand and hearing damage that still rears its ugly head out to this day.
each time i think about that moment i realise that if i had been in any other position when that flare blew up i probably wouldn’t be here today

When I was younger, I believed that if a woman was raped, it was her fault for what she was wearing. My highschool friends called me the most unempathetic person they’d ever met and I was proud of that.

Thankfully I’ve turned right around on all that and learned empathy. I’m ashamed for my younger self, but I know they were just doing the best they could with the very few tools they were given.

When I was a kid I had a hypothesis that autistic people simply lacked souls and that that explained their symptoms. (I don’t think this anymore)

I underwent a total dickectomy

In my school there was a kid who consistently made plans to SA other students and regularly bragged about it. The school administration not only knew but actively went out of their way to defend him.