Usually when it’s things that are “socially expected” but don’t make sense to me in that moment. Like being asked to wait with eating food until everyone has some (still don’t really get it, but “it’s a social norm and people will feel bad” is sufficient for adult me since it’s really nbd. As a kid no one even explained that far though, just that it’a a thing you do because you do.).
In general as an adult its been pretty rare since I’ve learned it’s not worth the effort (and whatever if it makes people happy then cool), and if I really don’t wanna do something I consider pointless (like wearing a suit - which I’d first have to buy - to a wedding in 30° heat as someone who is already very uncomfortable in shorts and t shirt in 22°) people are more likely to respect it because they can’t really force me anymore.
I do think the more common one (that still happens a bunch) is when providing the why, or more generally when providing extra information. It seems to me people often assume I’m overly criticizing when I do that. Like “can you add this thing to the sheet I think it’d be helpful when <3 sentences of the context in which I think it’s good to have>” tends to get worse reactions than “can you add this thing to the sheet I think it’d be helpful”.
So same as the food thing, maybe it’s more about wanting far more detailed explanations than about wanting one at all. But to me the less detailed one often doesn’t feel like a real explanation, moreso a justification.
I suppose context is important in the needing to know why. Can you give an example of a time someone got mad?
Usually when it’s things that are “socially expected” but don’t make sense to me in that moment. Like being asked to wait with eating food until everyone has some (still don’t really get it, but “it’s a social norm and people will feel bad” is sufficient for adult me since it’s really nbd. As a kid no one even explained that far though, just that it’a a thing you do because you do.).
In general as an adult its been pretty rare since I’ve learned it’s not worth the effort (and whatever if it makes people happy then cool), and if I really don’t wanna do something I consider pointless (like wearing a suit - which I’d first have to buy - to a wedding in 30° heat as someone who is already very uncomfortable in shorts and t shirt in 22°) people are more likely to respect it because they can’t really force me anymore.
I do think the more common one (that still happens a bunch) is when providing the why, or more generally when providing extra information. It seems to me people often assume I’m overly criticizing when I do that. Like “can you add this thing to the sheet I think it’d be helpful when <3 sentences of the context in which I think it’s good to have>” tends to get worse reactions than “can you add this thing to the sheet I think it’d be helpful”.
So same as the food thing, maybe it’s more about wanting far more detailed explanations than about wanting one at all. But to me the less detailed one often doesn’t feel like a real explanation, moreso a justification.