Thank you. I broke up with her last night. I wanted it to be on good terms, but it devolved into us venting about our issues with the relationship. It really fucking sucks right now. I looked through all the valentines cards and sticky notes she left for me over the past few years, and I wept. The highs really were high.

I have a support system, but it’s gonna be a while before the pain goes away. It’s brutal, but I couldn’t keep living like this. I haven’t felt like I could be myself around her for a long time; I had to be her ideal partner instead.

You were right about how I was living. I was trying not to be harmed by our relationship instead of enjoying it. And I can’t say how long it’s been like that. It just crept up on me, you know?

It was like I realized how much I’d been carrying this whole time. Trying to keep her happy to avoid being berated or yelled at, or told you’re not good enough. In the moment you can dismiss these things as temporary events, but they’re not temporary when they become part of your daily reality. I really think she wanted perfect, while I could settle for good enough.