So for anyone who has come across my previous posts, you might know that I started taking DIY HRT for feminizing myself after the dutch healthcare system (horrid wait times) failed me. Then, I tried working up the courage to tell my parents about my issues, only to chicken out. Also, I am not actually sure about what my gender identity really is.
So basically, everything about my future is super uncertain.
Now I’ll be providing some new information. First, for anyone wondering what I’ve decided of my identity after much introspection, I think I’ll just go with non-binary or gender fluid for now.
Next, I tried probing my mom for her opinion on LGBTQ people as a commenter suggested. Her immediate reaction was to call LGBTQ people “crazy” and “improper” and that I shouldn’t associate with them. I told her about how some parents throw out LGBTQ kids on to the streets. She said that’s not done anymore. That’s incorrect, but at least it seems like she might not abandon me? Finally, when I asked her what if I was queer, she tried backtracking and said that she was just joking about them being crazy.
Whether or not that is true, I can’t bring myself to tell my parents anything. Which is funny I guess since they always make a big deal about how I should be fully open with them.
Enough ranting about my parents though.
Finally was the suggestion someone made to find a psychologist specializing in helping LGBTQ individuals. This has turned out to be a disaster in its own way. Navigating Dutch healthcare without speaking Dutch is already difficult, but my GP also has no experience with anything related to LGBTQ people. Supposedly, he has dealt with 1 other case in his entire career, and that case “solved itself” (no idea what that means, kinda ominous though).
The psychologist I was recommended to (and who hasn’t sent me a single communication) is rated 1.8 stars on google maps 💀. People keep complaining about how terrible the service is. Every psychologist I look to has people complaining about poor documentation, people being kicked out of programs. Intrusive questioning. Absurd wait times.
At this point, you might as well butter me up and serve me with jam because I’m toast. Absolutely cooked.
Knowing how bad things are in 2025, I have a new found respect for people who had to deal with this in ye olden days.
To conclude, I have no idea what to do with my life at all. I’ll still be taking my hormones and playing dress up. Maybe I’ll start voice training soon. My current plan to deal with the future is to retreat into a bubble of delusion and isolation until everything comes crashing down.
Thank you for listening to my ramblings.
You know, that’s honestly not a far cry from my situation when I started. I’m long since moved out, but I had similar reactions from my parents. I also had no plan whatsoever. I just jumped in, and figured that I would figure it out later. I got lucky in that the pandemic hit shortly after, so I could just metamorphosis in peace.
But it still got to the point when I couldn’t hide it anymore. I just decided to go all in. Conversations with my family were mixed. Some of them are very supportive, but most others are luke warm at best. But you know what? I never lost a single friend. And things did eventually calm down with the family.
Just remember that you have still have plenty of time to figure out what you’re doing. And by the time anyone realises what you’ve done, it will be too late to stop you anyway. But buy yourself a sports bra! You will need one to conceal your boobs when they start growing. They grow quickly.
But buy yourself a sports bra! You will need one to conceal your boobs when they start growing. They grow quickly.
Already have one, thanks for the advice though! I didn’t even think about hiding my growth like that.
It was a tip I got from a woman at the bar who spotted them immediately. It was very helpful when I was still in the early phases. When I came out though, I burned the damned thing.
