I’m about to start my 12 week paternity leave next week thanks to a state program and almost everyone that I’ve told has had their jaws on the floor that I would even want to do that.
Today I witnessed a group of coworkers almost bragging how little time they took after their kids were born. I’ve heard stuff like “Most men are hard working and want to support their families so they don’t take leave”.
To me it was a no brainer, I’m getting ~85% of my normal pay and I get to take care of my wife, our son and our newborn for 3 whole months. and for someone who hasn’t taken a day breathe in the past 3 years I think I deserve it.
I’m in the US so I know it’s a “strange” concept, but people have seemed genuinely upset, people it doesn’t affect at all. Again, it’s a state program available to almost anyone who’s worked in the past 2 years, I’ve talked to soon to be dads who scoffed at the idea and were happy to use a week of pto and that’s it.
I feel like I’m missing something.
Paternity leave is a no brainer for families of all stripes. Both spouses should have time off to care for their children in the first year of their life, especially during the vulnerable first year before they are immunized against dangerous diseases. And I’m in a same sex relationship, so I’m definitely using it when we are ready to have kids, haha.
Honestly, each parent should have 6 mo of paid leave.
Edit: adding onto this, all men’s bathrooms should have changing stations. It’s insane that some women’s do, but men’s do not.
all men’s bathrooms should have changing stations
This is unfortunately one of those things that people care about greatly for a very short time when it affects them and then never more. It never really gets any traction.
Thankfully it never was much of an issue to me, even if I almost singlehandedly changed every single diaper due to my wife having a bad shoulder. I quickly learned to change a diaper everywhere. On the floor, in the car, busting into the ladies nursery rooms, just everywhere. I got so good at it, that I bet I could change a diaper faster and cleaner than a Formula One wheel even without a table.
Nobody ever complained. The only odd situation was when I busted into a nursing room full of muslim women where a young mother was breastfeeding. Her entourage gave me quite the looks and standing in my way shielding her, so I said “I need to change diaper”. The mother looked up and everyone was watching her for a reaction, but she smiled and said “It’s right over there” pointing me to the changing table. It was quite the stinker, so I apologized on my way out.
However. I admit. This is not the best way to change diaper. A good diaper change is not fast. It’s a time for bonding. It’s not something I want to do in a public space with the rest of the family waiting for us, but at home, it’s the perfect time to get some eye contact with the baby and confirming that, yes, your father is there for you to get you out of all the shit you get yourself into. It’s perfectly fine if it takes half an hour in which most of the time is spent playing peak-a-boo. It’s a chore, but it’s also a much needed break from other chores. And this counts for both parents at the same time. Your partner would love nothing more than for you to disappear with the baby for half an hour.
And that is why paternity leave is really important for the father and baby.
Honestly, each parent should have 6 mo of paid leave.
Heck yes. 12 weeks is nothing. The baby still needs a ton of help at this stage.
You’re the smart one. Fuck the haters. Ignore them.
Work is something I do, not who I am.
Americans have been indoctrinated to feel their work is their worth.
Enjoy it. A great number of people in the US have been conditioned to tie up their sense of worth to their job, and can’t comprehend there’s more to life.
I’d take 12 years paternity leave if I could.
My man, you are literally getting paid to spend time with a tiny human being you helped make. You’d have to be pretty deep into the Kool-aid bottle to say no to that.
I had my mandatory 15 weeks last year and loved it, so from one dad to another: enjoy it!
And remember: if you die tomorrow, you’ll be replaced at work within a few weeks, but you can never ever be replaced at home.
People are idiots. Why would you give up a benefit you’re legally entitled to? Nobody is going to as much as thank you for that.
What you’re missing is some men legitimately hate their wives and children and dislike spending time with them. Others drank the coolaid of American capitalist propaganda. Your child will only be a newborn once and your wife will need the help. If anything you should be normalizing it by telling all your friends and colleagues how great it is and how happy you are to get to spend that time with your family. Never shut up about how awesome it is. Expound at length about the many benefits you personally enjoyed thanks to your time with your new child. Every man you convince makes the world a better place.
When I was born my dad worked for himself, he was never home and I can remember running away from him crying cause my mum was leaving the house. He found permanent employment by the time I was 2 because of this.
These men are fuckwits and will wonder why they don’t have or struggle to form a relationship with their children in later life.
If you hate her why would you marry or have kids with her? Its completely optional to have a wife or child.
So basically, the choice is to spend 12 weeks with those idiots or with your baby? Seems like a no brainer to me.
Take the paternity leave with pride
Take the full 12 weeks - you’ll never regret it. Superhero dads are there for their wife and children. You’re doing the right thing.
You must be American…
Come to the EU, noone will scoff at paternity leave here. On the contrary, colleagues will congratulate you for procreating lol
In the U.S. we’re taught to brag about how much we’re exploited, as if it’s a virtue.
It’s a very sick culture.
I WISH my husband had been able to take time off. Those first few weeks of sleep deprivation are fucking ROUGH on your own. I think you did the right thing and that the child is going to get dramatically better care because his parents are actually sonewhat rested.
I’m all for paternity leave, but there is a conflict between taking time off to take care of your newborn, and taking time off to breathe.
Newborns aren’t exactly a vacation.
