This may or may not be inspired by the nebula original abolish everything, a show I have not watched.
Dihydrogen monoxide.
Literally kills thousands of people a year.
News outlets taking quotes from company PR/employees and including them alongside facts about reality. “Company x does something horrible, here is the data. Meanwhile, the CEO says it’s inaccurate because bs reasonexcuse.”. So much of corporate media is this, we’ve nearly lost the expectation a news outlet have any sense of responsibility outside of an easy quote from the paid company representative. Every single employee quote should come with footer “but of course this person does pay their mortgage based on saying whatever the companies needs it to to continue doing what benefits it the most so this is idiotically biased”.
I would abolish banana peels. They cause far too many injuries and I think doing away entirely could calm everyone, especially those in banana-rich areas where peels are most common.
Just the peel? That is going to make every other part of acquiring and eating a banana really weird.
Pouring cereal before the milk.
Everyone here being so serious.
Children in breweries. Fine, fine at least keeping the sanctity of 21 and over areas of breweries. When did breweries become a family affair? How come every place has to become a family friendly place, why can’t we have just a few adults only places?
No matter what I get some child screaming while I’m trying to enjoy a beer. And every parent will say “well where are they supposed to go” and my answer is always “literally anywhere else”. Everywhere is okay with kids. And then others will say “well mine are great” which I would say I don’t care, but other parents don’t care and ruin it for the rest. So if I got to abolish anything, it’s be kids in breweries.
Yes! I do not understand children in breweries. It seems like irresponsible parenting to me. Taking your kid with you to a place not meant for them, while you drink, and then getting into your car and driving your kid home after?
Just go have a beer at home ffs, and don’t subject me to your kid running around like a… Kid.
Then they argue that they have a right to go out don’t they? Which I say sure! But then you decided to have kids, so now you need to find someone to watch them. Instead they insist they belong in adult only venues
As someone who works in booze your kids do not belong in my workplaces.
I saw this at my local brewery.
A bunch of bachelorettes with their penis straws and hats with SLUT in LEDs were having a fun time in the corner while some parents with their 8yo kids running circles around their table were also at the same brewery. Random guy in a trench coat with his giant dog. Nerd on his apple laptop.
Nobody was acting a fool or making a scene. But it was a strange moment.
Motion-sensing faucets in public bathrooms. I feel like there is somebody behind the mirror trolling me every time.
I don’t understand why they don’t just have a foot pedal to activate those things. You could make an argument for handicapped people, but you could just have one sink use conventional knobs.
Pineapple. Not just on pizza (although that is an abomination), but all pineapple in food or drinks. It’s weird and slimy and its taste taints everything it touches. Plus fresh pineapple is trying to digest you while you eat it. Just a horrible fruit all around.
I will not be swayed by counter arguments.
You, sir or madam, are an abomination and should be abolished.
Pineapple is only slimy when inappropriately treated. For pizza you need to cut into small chunks, drain over a sink for a minute, and then quick fry in a pan to give a little caramelization. THEN put on pizza and bake. It is magic, paired with Canadian bacon, salty, sweet. Yum
Best breakfast burrito: the Hawaiian. Ham, potatoes, pineapple, eggs, sour cream. In fact, you have inspired me, with your hateful statements this morning, and I’ll be putting and order in shortly.
Best breakfast burrito: the Hawaiian.
You are obviously disturbed and need professional help, that you would defile the sanctity of a breakfast burrito with that devil fruit.
…it was delicious. I thought I abolished you… No more nonsense, thank you.
This is me with mango. Disgusting ass food that’s related to poison ivy. No thanks!
corporate fucking personhood. not that it exists but the friggin false idea that it should and any belief system that lead or may ever lead to it.
OP said ‘humorously’ not ‘to make the world a better place.’
Unless it was part of it, multiple levels of packaging.
Open up a bag of chips. It’s bag, then chips. Perfect world.
Open up a box of cookies from hell. Open up the box. Open up the freshness seal bag. Pull out the individually wrapped cookies, and open those too.
Straight to jail. No question.
Professional sports teams. I’m just sick of hearing people blather on endlessly about them and expecting me to join in.
Bring back gladiators!
Its the drawn out bullshit that I have no patience for, its a midseason game between two teams who arent going to make the finals… calm the fuck down.
Teenagers. Just ship 'em off somewhere between the ages of 13 and 18. Pouty, Self-entitled, disrespectful shits.
Maybe they are like that because we already ship them off to indoctrination camps between ages 7-13.
That is an incredebly cruel thing to say about developmentally challenged people.
The stock market.
But how will I know if I’m rich or poor without a nasdaq score telling me how the rich are feeling?
The colour red so that way whenever somebody goes to “Red Lobster” all they see is “Lobster” on the sign.
The need to pee at night.
Okay, humorously…
Eating pizza with a fork. If you’re afraid of hot grease burning a trail down your arm, you don’t deserve to enjoy good pizza.
Reasonable exceptions for children and the disabled can be made.
But if you put ranch on it you should be thrown in Guantanamo Bay.
