DrCatface

I’ve moved away from aa. I don’t feel good about it, they said don’t leave before the miracle happens, and it happened so I can now leave. which isn’t the right attitude I want to chip in and give back what was so freely given to me but it’s like I’m allergic to humans now, worse than before. 57.

if I control it I can’t enjoy it, if I enjoy it I can’t control it

cool to see all of lemmy support our new friend. first week is tough but ideally you only have to go through it once

took a wee mental holiday, didnt drink day 55. officially the longest I’ve ever not drank. watched one flew over the cuckoo’s nest 1st time this morning, couple things 1) psyche wards havent changed in 50 years, zero progress. 2) ive fixed my drinking problem. murph brings in 2 girls and 2 shopping bags full of booze. ive been watching this film through the eyes of danny devito, another patient locked in, and my program is so strong that even locked in a ward with meds for the hangover, I would not drink. I’ve done enough research, I know that shit will mean the end of my life. love you guys thanks for checking in on me when I wasn’t checking in 🖤

congrats keep it up :)

52🚣

yep that’s so true. or come back with way worse stuff than I was apologizing for that I have no memory of. challenging step, difficult to navigate.

51 just gone full stop on the amends, feel like I’m going around injuring people by even asking. a lot of these ppl hate me. just got so caught up in the steps and progress I was inadvertently trying to buy my peace of mind at the expense of others.

big 50, got to see 4 raaf stunt pilots flying in formation, loops n rolls seeing them rip through the air, the overwhelming sound, probably would have yelled at them if I was hungover.

49, iwndwyt 🏂

48. enjoyed a big book study meeting on chapt more about alcoholism. makes sure we understand the physical allergy and mental obsession. but it was the plain language edition, I want a copy of the first edition. vocabulary nerd, love learning new/old words

I can’t believe 2mo and my highscore of 55 is just around the corner. feel unstoppable, even tho I’m starting from scratch. thanks z, couldn’t do it without yall, checking in is crucial

47, court went as well as possible, 9mo no license and good behaviour bond, 2 years interlock and $900 fine. I deserve far worse but I wasnt about to butt in and ask for it. the whole thing has been a blessing in disguise, the gift of desperation led me to find a sponsor and smash through 11/12 steps in a month. wasn’t interested in a new perspective or way of living, I just wanted to get sober, but now I’ve got all 3 and an unconditionally loving higher power in my life, it’s not possible to go back to that life. making the most of every moment.

b asked me to set the topic for the meeting, i said making amends which is where I’m up to, really made me feel like part of the team, got a few really good shares and some good insight, but the meeting mostly went to the still sick and suffering who are far more important. one lady had 20 days up, she snapped and came in smashed, I’m glad she did she looked like shit, slurring words and crying and just nonsense insanity. there by the grace of god go I, I’m only arm’s length away from being her again. not trying to put anyone down that’s just the reality of the situation.

saw a younger member join who also does lots of service so I sent him my number, we started talking like we’ve known each other for years. straight to rigorous honesty and how the steps changed our lives. old timers are great but going to send my number to a lot more bros my age.

3hrs of booting bored school kids off zoom. I get it used to be a disruptive troll. practicing these principles in all my affairs. court in 2 days, not real worried. going to lose license and healthy fines, but I absolutely deserve worse, was a danger to society.

fast as possible, yes we have to remember our last drink/drunk, it’s impossible for me to forget mine cause I crashed another car, lucky not to involve anyone else, court in a few days. yeah I had alcoholic amnesia, couldn’t remember how awful the withdrawals are or what being drunk actually feels like. it’s the drug I’ve abused the most and I don’t remember what it feels like. I remember how every other drug feels. but some things I’ve come to learn is that no it’s not a disease in the conventional sense, but it is progressive, it will kill me and it talks to me and tells me I’m not an alcoholic. cancer does not talk to you. AAs not for everyone but I literally could not stop myself from drinking, pure insanity not wanting to drink, you put me on a lie detector I’d say I’m never drinking again and it wouldn’t go off, but I’d be drunk that afternoon.

aye, I’ve had a couple thousand day ones, no more of that. Ive been working the steps of AA flat chat for weeks, immense difference in my mental health, obsession of the mind and spiritual malady straightened out, it’s only early days but I feel almost cured

44. count once a day vibes. only one day at time. can’t do 3 days at a time. let me know if anyone’s managed to do more than one day at a time

that’s such good news brother, congrats I wanna be like u when I grow up