I agree that what she does is manipulative and condescending even with the best intentions (paving the road to hell and all that), but I have issues with the use of “emotional intelligence” here.

An emotional intelligent person does NOT do this kind of shit on purpose.
They meet the other person where they’re at and on the same level, they communicate honestly, they don’t presume to educate or manage them.

I’d say she comes off more as emotionally stunted, she has no idea know how to relate with her partner as an equal.

I grew up in a fairly conservative household. I used to read the rags my parents considered newspapers, people in my social circles and schools were mostly middle to upper class, and I idolized my father.

It took me a long while to realize I was seeing through distorted glasses, even after I started mingling with different viewpoints.
There always was a gut feeling that something didn’t add up, cognitive dissonance maybe.

I sometimes wonder what kind of person I’d be had I not been high on the neurodivergent spectrum and pushed on the outside.

Privilege and social echo chambers make for pretty efficient blindfolds.

I don’t mean to intrude or push in any way, but your story sounds familiar and I found Running on empty to be an interesting read, if you ever feel inclined.

Good luck.

They’re not talking about texting apps, it’s keyboards and speech to text engines that often have a profanity filter, which usually is on by default.

I disable it on everything every time I change phones or format, but not everybody tinkers with settings.

You probably default to a keyboard without profanity filter.