We can’t fix other peoples issues for them.

We can choose to support them if they are actively trying to fix their own issues.

We can also decide that even though they are trying the impact is too big on us and distance ourselves.

But if they aren’t actually trying to better themselves there is nothing we can do except protect ourselves.

Your sister needs to look into co-dependence and trauma-bonding (if not in this case then for future reference), and focus on becoming emotionally independent rather than confusing nurturing with doormat. She can only fix her own issues, not her friends. And learn that not every friend is worth the title.

I would be fine about being asked, asking wouldn’t affect the relationship, but I would say no because I don’t want it.

If they did it anyway, or without even asking, I would end the relationship and probably make a police report. How many other boundaries are they willing to cross or have already crossed? Is there a camera in my shower? It would make me incredibly worried to deal with that level of disrespect.

I saw “women”, plural.

Just think it’s unnecessary to drag women for having rich husbands, when there is so much more relevant shit to drag these specific women for.

Oops, you failed to be able to have a conversation since you began with name-calling. That’s your rule, right? My rule is “don’t talk to people who are unable to have a conversation”.

Bye.

I fail to see how calling others “bat shit crazy” and “sick” is not name calling, but “numbskull” is…

How about you clean up your own porch before complaining about your neighbours?

It’s gross enough to have them be completely unqualified and just pay for a joyride in space while marketing it as some feminist achievement. Why add the stuff about husbands paying? I’m sure Katy Perry is rich enough for several trips to space.

Bashing women by claiming that they’re only worth what their husbands give them is outdated and stinky. We can do better than that… Let’s hate people in new and improved ways!

Perhaps for the gross things they actually do and say, like choosing to participate in this expensive PR-stunt to cover up the erasure of actual astronauts, regardless of who is paying…?

Are you sure you’re underperforming, or is that just an idea you came up with yourself? Have you talked to a boss or manager about their expectations for your role and if you are meeting those expectations?

It may just be a self-sabotaging thought, and getting confirmation that you are meeting expectations could let you relax and work at a preferred or natural pace without stressing about your performance.

I see you’ve thought about this.

I’ve just seen one too many winters with icy roads and cars being stuck and (temporarily) abandoned making roads between towns unusable for a while.

I imagine that but worse with everyone fleeing the city and getting turned, being unprepared for a journey, running out of gas all over the place - not just cities. Maybe they can go off-road and get around a perpendicularly abandoned vehicle or two but eventually there will be an obstacle no truck can bridge.

So for me, I think two wheels for mobility. But that would also depend on what kind of zombie and what kind of apocalypse. Are they fast or slow; do they hunt by ear, sight, smell; is it almost instantaneous or after a year-long pandemic, do they travel in pack or avoid each other, how do they perish, etc.

Told me that I was welcome to participate in any meeting and that my input was valued, but also told me when a meeting wouldn’t involve me or my work and I was free to sit almost any of them out. Even for regularly scheduled meetings, they’d let each of us know if we were actually needed that week or simply welcome. I appreciated being able to decide best where that time should go instead of wasting away in meetings.

Some weeks would be like 15 hours of meetings for the team, with only like 4 hours directly involving me. But I don’t have to go wherever my team goes, we’re not codependent like that, lol.

Also they listened for input, and actually listened. Even for things outside my expertise, if I had an idea it would be considered and implemented if it was suitable.

Fairly regularly (every other month or so) they’d pop their head in and be like “wanna go for a walk?, I have a gap in 30 min”, and we’d have a 15 min walk-n-talk about the work place, time management, work / life balance, teamwork, suggestions and feedback for management - anything about working there that wasn’t about the actual work.

They were really all about listening to the employees in every area.

How would you navigate that through streets full of abandoned vehicles and debris? A bicycle is quiet, faster than a human or zombie, easy to service, easy to navigate and even carry where it can’t go, and don’t require fuel. If you want something faster and fuel driven, a motorcycle would be better than any car.

Yes. If I feel comfortable enough to want to work somewhere during/after an interview, I feel comfortable enough to talk about my challenges as well as my strengths. I spent decades unaware of this part of myself and why I couldn’t function like I was expected to - I don’t want to go back to struggling to pass as “normal” and fail those expectations. I am lucky enough to be able to set different expectations for how I do my job well, now.

I’m in northern Europe, and I don’t think I’ve been discriminated against because of this. I have asked and gotten accommodations for tests during the interview process (more time), which then led to interviews.

I have disclosed my ADHD and received job offers in my last two interviews. My ADHD tells me I can do both jobs, because fun! My experience tells me to pick the one where I can work from home part time.

It much depends on where you are, your field of work and your seniority/experience.

Not surprising; it’s far more practical to get information across by switching to a language you both speak fluently. If you ask the other person to help you practice the language, it would change the task from “information” to “training”, and you’d probably have better luck in speaking German if that’s the expressed goal.

Communicate your wants, or you’ll end up with the most efficient route to the end of the interaction. 'Tis the German way.

That sounds horrible. I struggle with energy a lot, but not to the degree you’re describing so I can’t imagine…

I generally think we should be careful with self-medicating, and I don’t know if this is allowed on this forum so I’ll accept any consequences:

Have you tried amphetamines/stimulants? Like a very low dose, not anything to make life a party but just a hint to get yourself going, lower than anything you think of. Only early in the morning and no refills during the day, so it won’t interfere with your sleep and won’t build tolerance. And only pure shit, a thoroughly tested substance, not street-meth or other untested garbage that can be mixed with fentanyl and cocaine and a host of other substances - I mean like actual adhd-medication.

It’s not going to solve whatever underlying issue you have (unless it’s ADHD, lol), but if it makes you function and feel better it while figuring it out it could be worth it. Ideally as prescribed by a doctor to monitor your heart and health over time.

Regardless , I hope you find whatever you need to feel better and more energetic.

Medication for me has been a life-changer, it sucks that you don’t even get that option. But medicine isn’t the only tool available, and it doesn’t always get me all the way to a good mental state.

For those days where meds aren’t available, or I need a bit of extra support, body doubling does the trick. Having someone else work alongside you, not even on the same tasks, get me focused and motivated and productive. I clean much better if a friend is on their laptop answering emails in the same room, and I focus more easily on work with someone else in the office. It works on video or phone calls as well, when you need to Finish That Thing, put on headphones and call someone and chitchat while getting started and the rest of the call can be almost silent. Though this works best with more mindless tasks. For focusing task a muted video call can do the trick, that way you can glance up and see the other person working but not have to focus on answering questions, and you can even have music on simultaneously.

Speaking of music: music is super powerful. Energetic music can make you energetic, happy music you can sing along to makes you happy, and music with a steady beat but no or very uncomplicated/discreet vocals help me keep focused, particularly when listening to others in online meetings or doing complicated brainy tasks.

Physical activity is another big one. Back in school the days we had to attend in person I would use every break (and ask for extra breaks if the time ran on) to run up and down the stairs, or take a very brisk walk a few laps around the block. Now I have a walking pad in front of the computer so I never have to sit down and get stuck. Running or resistance training daily or every other day, and every other form of workout, is popular with ADHDers for a reason - moving around and tiring out our bodies also tires out the hyperactivity in the mind and makes it easier to focus. If you can get out into nature that also does a lot to get the brain working, like having a phone meeting while taking a walk in the park/forest.

And finally: accept that you have specific needs and that you function when those needs are met. It can be taking more frequent breaks, making sure to eat something every three hours, asking for time extensions on tests, working with headphones, body doubling and asking for help, setting timers to remember to have a hydration break (drink water and pee), drawing on your mirrors with whiteboard markers to remember if you’ve brushed your teeth, etc…

There’s a lot you can do to improve your situation even without medication.