I’m 36 and have been with my current girlfriend for almost 5 years now - my longest relationship yet. We live together & everything else couply, just not married. I see marriage as unnecessary pressure that has a tendency to put strain on the relationship. Right now if we’re happy together we stay, if we’re not we split. Simple. Marriage complicates it.
Over thirty years with my partner, not married, same reasons.
Legally you’re a couple, so technically if you each go your own way there’ll be some sort of “divorce” process in relation to assets, but I’ve never looked into it deeply.
For all intents and purposes you are married. Depending on where you live your relationship might even have a legal recognition despite not signing any papers.
Weddings are a waste of time and actually counterproductive to a stable relationship, I agree.
Been together 10 years and no desire to get married.
If we for some reason dont want to be together anymore, it should be easy to get out. Freedom for both people.
Also, marriage is a religious concept isnt it?
Marriage is just a formality, with the government. So there’s probably very little benefit if your jurisdiction recognizes defacto relationships, if it doesn’t there are some advantages, but also jurisdiction dependent.
Weddings are 100% bullshit.
100% agree. Marriage is a choice. Weddings carry a tremendous amount of unnecessary baggage, social obligations, and opportunities for the wedding industry to leech off of you.
Fully agree. We got married at the courthouse. 30 bucks I think for filing. We’ve always been happy with that.
Wedding we priced out. For only 50 people on the cheap we found it’s be minimum 15k in my area. Fuck that. May have a small thing on an anniversary, but not a wedding
25+ years with my spouse, not married.
We’re ‘pacsed’ though which, here in France, is not like a civil wedding but merely a contract (it takes mere minutes to have it done). That ‘pacs’ helps protect the other in case something should happen to one of us since, not being officially married, we have no legal protection, no power of decision if the other was incapacitated, and no right to inherit from another at least not without having to pay a lot of taxes whereas it’s zero taxes if we’re pacsed and we’ve made a will.
I personally love being married
Nothing says ‘I love you’ like a legally binding contract.
Where I’m from if you live together a year it’s the same, legally, as marriage. So most people get married if they’re traditional/religious, or want a big party. There’s almost zero legal difference.
A cop told me, “There are two toothbrushes in the bathroom? Married.” Colorado, I think common law marriages kick in at 6 months.
We got married for legal reasons. It’s much easier to get married than to get power of attorney, wills, and all that legal stuff done separately, so one day while sitting on the sofa looking at that stuff, I just said “hmm, you know, getting married is much easier”. And that was our proposal.
We got married with just our close relatives there, because my mom would kill me if I didn’t invite her, and his grandma would help out.
We DID have a big 10 year anniversary, because we wanted an excuse for a party, but it wasn’t wedding-like at all.
In addition to that, having kids, crossing international borders and moving to different countries are also things where marriage gives benefits.
And in some jurisdictions, there can be very significant tax advantages.
Which is why there was always a big fight for marriage equality.
But if you don’t want all these legal benefits, then co-habiting is fine.
We like being married! Were it not for marriage, it would have been significantly more difficult for us to live together as an international couple.
I was in your same situation but younger and told my girlfriend the same thing, which is that I see the value in marriage for the protections it gives when a couple decides to have children or real estate.
Eventually I wanted a house and kids so I proposed and the rest is history.
In hindsight I regret causing her unnecessary insecurity when I knew we were going to have both of those eventually.
I’m on the fence.
I would like a celebration of the sort and already use jewellery as a signifier of a relationship, but as an institution, marriage is not something I want to be included in. It’s a patriarchal and hierarchical structure which demands compliance to a narrow range of relationships and historically exists to make women and children into property; children are still treated as property such as in custody battles and women are trapped in toxic relationships unable to escape DV and the like.
The fact that there are so many benefits, such as tax breaks, access to welfare and healthcare (depending on your location) is despicable. There are forms of relationship that are entirely excluded (poly for one example), and many people don’t want a relationship in the first place, why should they be treated as second class citizens? These benefits should be given to people regardless of marital status, otherwise this is a vector for the state to regulate your life.
Oh, and no I don’t have a problem with anyone who likes marriage, I hate oppression not individuals.
Okay I agree marriage at a societal level needs some rearchitecture, but I think you’re holding yourself back applying it to an individual. Every couple has a different marriage. My wife and I are definitely backwards, I fully admit she wears the pants. I’m emotional, she’s fairly stoic. Hell I took her to see Taylor Swift. There are definitely no gender roles for us.
However, I see others who want more traditional roles, I see some that are the same, idk everyone is different. If you find the right person it’s more they just complement you well.
I met this girl in 2008 and we became friends with benefits shortly after. 17 years later and we have four kids and a house together, shared taxes, and a bunch of other stuff. I’m starting to think there might be more between us. Marriage? Nah, after so long we already have all the benefits and obligations of a married couple.
Once kids are involved I think there’s a lot of benefits to marriage.
I like the idea of a serious commitment to a romantic relationship, but I wouldn’t want the government to be involved in the associated ritual, just like I wouldn’t want a church to be involved, or a diamond monopoly.
I’m generally ambivalent at best about the institution of marriage, but my wife (as you might conclude) was decisively pro-marriage.
Really it doesn’t change anything, just treat it like an excuse to buy your SO a nice ring and throw a huge party, if that’s the kind of thing you’re into (and if not, then don’t include those things as part of your engagement/wedding).
Bingo. This was my take before I met my wife and early in our relationship. When it came time to talk about the future and we discussed marriage I asked what she wanted. For my part, I told her that I didn’t need a piece of paper from the government or a magic ceremony to commit myself to her fully.
She wanted a wedding and marriage and I wanted to give that to her. It was immediate family only, at home, with a retired judge performing a ceremony we wrote.
From a legal perspective it can be immensely more complicated long term and will almost certainly be financially more disadvantageous within the US system if you’re American to not be married.
My wife and I were living together for more than a decade before we got married. Our primary reasons for getting married were tax benefits and reducing legal complications if one of is in the is hospitalized or dies. Our wedding was followed at the court house followed by a very fancy lunch with 2 friends that acted as our witness’s.
Getting married has made no real difference in our relationship, besides now we split a joint tax return.
I didn’t like being in my first marriage and thought I’d never do it again. Now my wife is my true life partner and I wouldn’t give up marriage. It binds us together legally, emotionally, and practically. I won’t leave her, she won’t leave me.
not for everyone though.
