Yesterday I was in a car accident. I’m really OK (some mild brain injury and bruising), the car is not.
I had gone running, so I was wearing a t-shirt and leggings with an athletic skirt to cover my bits, I had no makeup on and was perhaps the least feminine I could be.
What surprised me was that the EMTs, firemen, and police all saw and interacted with me me as a woman, and not in that “being polite” way that some trans affirming liberals can be, I just think they had no idea I was trans. My gender survived even having to talk to the emergency responders, answering questions, etc.
In some sense none of this is new, people on the phone have correctly gendered me as a woman for maybe six months, but it doesn’t stop my brain worms from making me hear a boy. Likewise with countless interactions in public now where people seem to see a woman. Still, all I see in a mirror is a boy most days.
In the ER, the nurses and office workers all assumed I was a woman. I was asked twice by the doctors if there was any possibility I could be currently pregnant.
All I’m saying is that yesterday was one of the most gender affirming days in my life. I don’t think if they suspected I was trans they would treat me the way I was treated, I just managed to seamlessly navigate the world in ways that I never thought was going to be possible. It’s not real to me, but I’m definitely just going to keep replaying those interactions over and over again. Maybe it will sink in.
Less than a year ago, the equivalent experience would have been very difficult, I was very much not passing and I looked like a man dressed as a woman to most people. I assumed it was just going to be like that the rest of my life, and that’s still what it’s like in my head.
I felt pretty emotional about it yesterday, about the culmination of so many hours put into voice training, struggling without a sense of hope about the future and arriving here anyway. I feel like I owe the trans community my whole life.
It’s more complex than that. On the medical side, doctors treating trans people as their assigned gender is just as problematic as assuming that they are cis. Which is to say, the majority of the time, it’s just not an issue, but sometimes it is, and when it is, they need to deal with our specific needs as trans folk, not as if we are the gender we were assigned at birth.
On the other side of that is transphobia. Depending on where the treatment is occurring, out yourself as trans opens you up to transphobia. Sometimes its outright refusal to give treatment, sometimes it’s referrals elsewhere, and sometimes it’s “trans broken arm syndrome”, where every issue you have is first filtered through the fact that you are trans, as if that is the real problem that needs to be dealt with.
I live in an accepting country, with laws that protect me. Yet, if I end up in hospital and I out myself as trans, I’m most likely going to end up in a room by myself, whilst having people smile at me and tell me that treating me differently to everyone else is somehow a gift, because I’m getting a “private room”.
So yeah, sometimes, to get safe and effective treatment, trans folk have to out themselves as trans. But more often than that, to get safe and effective treatment, we have to stay closeted. Navigating those conflicting scenarios is something that most trans folk have had to do at some point :\