I never knew just how much walking around outside improved my mental health until I lost the ability. While going through this benefit appeal, cancer treatment and recovering from a stroke, everything has been so hard but being able to walk down to the beach and spend some time outside with my landlady’s little dog each day, made life tolerable. Then I got stuck inside for a while due to my foot surgery, and this other one coming up on Thursday. Being stuck indoors has made life much more frustrating and stressful and given me nothing to look forward to, but at least this had an end date. After recovery from the surgeries I would be able to walk around again. But now I have developed achilles tendonitis. It’s the second time I’ve had it, the first time I was in a plaster cast for 10 days and couldn’t walk properly for months. This time who knows how long it will last. Google says it could take a year to improve, or it might never get better. I’m a lot older and sicker than the first time I had it, at best I could be stuck indoors for a year, at worst, forever. I just feel like this is the final straw. It’s too much on top of everything else. Potentially spending a year stuck inside doing nothing, staring at 4 walls. Getting more frustrated every day. And all for what? It’s not like I’ll even have a good life to look forward to afterwards. I feel like I just don’t even care about anything any more, not even whether or not I win my benefit appeal. I don’t even have a friend in the world to talk to or spend time with, everyone abandoned me when I became disabled. What is the point of even struggling on with this shitty life any more?