I never knew just how much walking around outside improved my mental health until I lost the ability. While going through this benefit appeal, cancer treatment and recovering from a stroke, everything has been so hard but being able to walk down to the beach and spend some time outside with my landlady’s little dog each day, made life tolerable. Then I got stuck inside for a while due to my foot surgery, and this other one coming up on Thursday. Being stuck indoors has made life much more frustrating and stressful and given me nothing to look forward to, but at least this had an end date. After recovery from the surgeries I would be able to walk around again. But now I have developed achilles tendonitis. It’s the second time I’ve had it, the first time I was in a plaster cast for 10 days and couldn’t walk properly for months. This time who knows how long it will last. Google says it could take a year to improve, or it might never get better. I’m a lot older and sicker than the first time I had it, at best I could be stuck indoors for a year, at worst, forever. I just feel like this is the final straw. It’s too much on top of everything else. Potentially spending a year stuck inside doing nothing, staring at 4 walls. Getting more frustrated every day. And all for what? It’s not like I’ll even have a good life to look forward to afterwards. I feel like I just don’t even care about anything any more, not even whether or not I win my benefit appeal. I don’t even have a friend in the world to talk to or spend time with, everyone abandoned me when I became disabled. What is the point of even struggling on with this shitty life any more?

  • darkcalling@lemmygrad.ml
    0·
    3 days ago

    I’m sorry about all you’re going through. Have you considered trying to find some enjoyable social things to do online? Hexbear has movie and TV show watching nights every evening of the week for instance and there are all kinds of other activities from playing chess to chat rooms that don’t have to cost money.

    I would avoid catastrophizing about what might happen with a condition. Instead just try and focus on doing what you can to take care of it within what you have and not overdoing it, don’t worry too much and find things to distract yourself with whether it’s reading a book or online activities with others. Try if you can to find little moments of joy or laughter in a comedy show or movie and do what you can. I really hope things go well for you and your appeal works out.

      • darkcalling@lemmygrad.ml
        0·
        3 days ago

        It’s understandable but well I guess you can try to look at the bright side. Online connectivity means though you’re inside you don’t have to be trapped mentally, you can do so many things. I think just occasionally maybe looking out a window, looking up nature videos online, things like that might help. It’s hard but it’s best not to dwell too much on can’ts and what we can’t do but instead try to find cans we enjoy. I mean it’s bound to be tough and it’s natural I think to feel frustration and not be able to totally get over it or forget what’s longed for but out of reach for now. But you do what you can and try to find little pieces of enjoyment. Maybe try meditation with nature sounds or something. I wish I had more specific advice.

        • DisabledAceSocialist@lemmygrad.mlOPEnglish
          0·
          3 days ago

          If this was my only problem that might be enough but it just feels like too much on top of everything else already. And going outside and walking around creates good chemicals in the brain, which helps. I’ve got no way to get that now.

          • darkcalling@lemmygrad.ml
            0·
            3 days ago

            I don’t suppose there’s a window you could sit by that might let some sunlight fall on you for a bit every day or so? Not the same as walking but it might be something, a half measure that might give you some of that, maybe a window you could crack open too to get that fresh air and some sunlight in and just sit there in it early morning or evening to get some of that experience.

            I’m sorry comrade, I hope you’re able to find something that offers a measure of relief for this whole situation though I don’t have any ideas other than these I guess. I know personally just sitting outside for a bit at the right hours in good weather can be very refreshing and energizing even without the walking so I’m kind of hoping you might be able to find some solution involving a window and the right time of day.