Honestly, I have strong suspicions about how dumb and cliquey that space was. Normal people understand context and give each other leeway.

I’m oppressed AND can’t use my OWN TERM!? This place is a prison.

you can do what you want. Personally it hurts me to hear the f-slur due to a lot of trauma, regardless of context. But I’m a big boy who can deal with it, but useful context for you to consider

The Homophobic Slurs would be a great band name.

You can reclaim slurs. Of course, ability to read the room is very useful, because in some settings using slurs, even if you’re referring to yourself, isn’t considered acceptable, like you don’t swear if you’re talking to kids or having dinner with your granparents.

I’ve noticed some of my gay friends try to “reclaim” slurs while others treat the words as taboo. Seems like a matter of personal preference to me.

No you were not in the “right”

Two wrongs don’t make a right

Sure, it’s “ok” in that I don’t think you should go to jail for it.

But you need to be “ok” with the consequences. Like how many people would be turned off by your language and would not want to associate with you. Who would judge you as a high-drama person to avoid (this is where I am personally, given your description of using a slur to try to bait someone into trouble). And people like school administrators who would remove you for breaking their specific rules on speech (or mods on a forum). And the employer who would fire you for using what is generally seen as unprofessional language.

I don’t have an answer for you but as a straight woman I’m always really taken aback by “the other F word” I’ve defended many of my gay friends from this slur after they told me they were uncomfortable or simply confronted people about using it in my presence and while I also get the “taking back your power angle” I think it’s more a thing you should do with friends you know well enough to know they’re ok with it because lots of people do find it offensive and I know straight allies like myself will absolutely not be comfortable with it, even if I just assume you’re a self hating gay or an edgelord because I’ve spent a lot of energy over the years fighting that word

Just my 2¢

TL;DR - Day’s end you can call yourself whatever you want. It would be a problem calling them that when they don’t like being called that. But also don’t tell somebody else to call you that in hopes they’ll get in shit.

You were hoping they’d get in shit for using the word, so your motives in that instance weren’t exactly pure. Maybe reflect on that part. It’s still weaponising the word.

Generally speaking though, to me it’s no different than a woman going up to her group of girl friends and saying '‘Sup bitches!!!’, or Black people using the n-word amongst each other, or Roma people using g–sy amongst themselves. If a gay person wants to call themself a f-----, have at it!

I had a thing with some girl friends where we’d volley ‘slut’, ‘whore’, ‘harlot’, etc. at each other. We’d also try to get as ridiculous as possible with it the names. A random person shouting those names at us would be a bad thing, but the context and rapport we had with each other changed that in those cases. It’s also something I wouldn’t do with people I didn’t really know regardless of gender since we don’t have that background with each other.

I’m part Portuguese and if somebody wants to call me a pork chop I’m like, ‘Damn straight!’ and I’ll sometimes call myself that too. But I won’t call my cousin’s cousin that because he doesn’t like being called that and that’s fine.

EDITED TO FIX FORMATTING… (still getting used to things on this platform, lol)

It sounds like such hard work to be a member of Gen Z.

slur yourself all you want if the word applies to you or your identity! maybe don’t ask other people to do it, though.

I, personally, have no issue with being gay, agender, or affectionately or sarcastically referring to oneself as a faggot, but none of that is relevant to the particular usage that got you in trouble.

You weren’t talking about yourself. You tried to bait another party into using hate speech to escalate a dispute. You wanted to weaponize a slur to play the victim and get someone else in trouble. And you did so in a public place where your behavior caused offense to bystanders.

I think there are two conflicting strategies at play here.

First is common decency. You just don’t say things that might offend people. All in all, a great strategy for everyday use.

But there’s also when a group “takes back” their slurs and starts using them in a friendly way. They are essentially taking power away from those words. Maliciously calling someone a particular slur doesn’t hurt so much when they call each other that every day. It’s a good technique to disarm those who hate you.

But, then you have group A trying not to say these words and group B trying to “flood the market and reduce it’s value” it creates a line of division. YOU can’t say this word, but WE will, because we’re trying to popularize and neuter it.

Neither is doing anything wrong, it’s just two groups with the same goal, (no more hurtful slurs) but they are pushing against each other.

Depends: do you want rules that apply equally to everyone or rules that apply selectively based on your demographic status?

Personally, I choose the former.