That’s not cool man…
They said medieval, that is way too late.
I dunno, that was invented to make beheadings more humane…let’s go back to an axe.
Trebuchets - the superior siege engine. (Disclaimer: probably not medieval)
Guess that makes me king of my own domain! 😆
Nah you’re spot on there. Trebuchets are absolutely mediaeval.
Mediaeviael
you ok there bud?
k
Invented in ancient China.
I think when most people talk about trebuchets, they more specifically mean a counterweight trebuchet, which is first concretely attributed to the Ayyubids in the 12th century.
Well to be fair, for the intended use of yeeting landlords, burgies and their political pawns over fairly large distances traction trebuchet would be much worse.
Ha! Good point.
… During the medieval period…
I would love it if taverns became a thing again, but only if they kept the time period theme up.
Taverns kind of are a thing, they’re just called hotels now.
Unfortunately they have a significantly lower focus on alcohol and food - a stark lack of mead and mutton in particular.
They’re just called pubs nowadays and many of them are still in business, with drink, food and music downstairs, and rooms for sleeping upstairs.
The one in my neighbourhood is newly reopened and serves fancy craft beer these days, but the basics are actually pretty much unchanged since a tavern first opened in that house sometime in the 1640s.
Having most of the year off for festivals and holy days
Good news: take up subsistence farming, no healthcare, no electricity, and make everything yourself, and you too can have half the year “off”.
take up subsistence farming
Where?
Gotta buy land first. Like 10 acers if you want to grow most of your own food.
Plenty of places you can do this. Put “homesteading” into a search engine of your choice and you’ll get more information on the topic than you can handle.
You’ll also pretty quickly realize its a very hard, tedious life and we have it pretty good in many ways in the modern world.
Japan sells rural land for cheap
Getting the visa is another story though.
Don’t threaten me with a good time
I mean the reality was that the time “off” was spent farming their own land, taking care of animals, fixing the house and doing the insane number of household tasks that come with premodern living. Spend a few days just cooking in a medieval style, and you’ll quickly realize it’s a LOT of work.
Medieval cooking sounds a little bit fun. Besides, maybe, all the slaughtering of animals and heavy use of entrails.
And gathering your own firewood, and water, and making twice as much to prepare for winter, and the strongly reduced options.
I mean yeah, it IS fun for a bit, I do medieval reenactment, obviously I enjoy it. But doing it every day absolutely sucks.
Meh,
- They had horrible healthcare they couldn’t afford and WE have horrible healthcare we can’t afford
- They spent a lot of time at festivals and with their communities helping each other and WE spend a lot of time chatting on our phones, but mostly playing games.
- They spent a lot of time outdoors doing a lot of work but keeping active, and we can sometimes go for hikes or walks, but we’re Americans, we as a whole, don’t.
- They knew how an could fix things around the farm, we can watch youtube videos unless it’s electronic or DRM.
- They had witch hunts and misinformation and WE have witch hunts and misinformation.
- All of the food they grew was organic but they had to grow it themselves and we have to pay an arm and a leg for non-poisoned food.
- They spent all day working for the king and we spend all day working for billionaires.
- They have poor starving people during famines, we have a too big percentage of poor starving people (13% of US population was food insecure during 2023).
- They had xenophobia and WE have xenophobia.
When you delve into the details of what those bullet points actually entailed, they were all far far worse in medieval times.
All of the food they grew was organic
Without someone inspecting the water and the soil, how safe was it? ♪♫ Hello typhoid my old friend… ♫♪
Except for that, yeah. We still have listeria outbreaks, etc. that kill people. It’s not like we’ve moved on from that, and that’s with all of the poisoned food to make it “safer.”
Is Alaska still giving away free land?
No, but it’s like a dollar per square meter if you’re remote enough…
So you think in order for people to not work their lives away we would have to take up subsistence farming? With all the tech and machines we have the only viable way to not be a company man is to give away all of the luxuries we currently have?
How’s that Kool aid tasting?
Guillotines for kings
Sorcery, alchemy, soothsaying, baby. Come one come all I’ll cure what ails you. I’ll summon portals and turn lead into #gold.
Or maybe the town crier. Hear ye, hear ye, elon musk hast tweeted about his balls.
To be fair, quacks that claim to be able to do magical stuff are still around, some do quite well well for themselves even
Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords as a basis for a system of government.
The woman = Amy Coney Barrett
The pond = DC swamp
The sword = Official acts
Strange woman here, anyone knows where I can buy swords in bulk, preferably with a pond thrown in? It’s for… a personal project.
Have you tried your local Swords 'R Us? I hear there’s a July 4 blowout sale this week. Use promo code Pond50 for half of your pond!
Are we to believe that famous actress Margot Robbie doesn’t have some sort of connection for bulk medieval weaponry?
I am shocked and dismayed.
something something ‘watery tart’ something.
You know how to kill any party? Start quoting Monty Python.
Who are you, who are so wise in the ways of science?
He’s being oppressed! Come see the violence inherent in the system!
You sound like a moistened bint to me. Care to decree some governmental officials while you’re here?
What has Monty Python ever done for us?
Guillotines.
This might fit in mediaeval times, with the earliest possible recorded use in the 13th century, but it’s certainly not well-known until the early modern period and most famous right on the border between early and late modern.
That wasn’t really a thing in medieval times. I’m afraid an axe will have to do.
It was an instrument used by the burghers in bringing about the end of European feudal lordship, replacing the feudal mode of production with the capitalist one.
It’s okay, we’re getting rid of history lessons too!
Trebuchet?
First used in ancient China around IV century BC.
We can get tripantium though, advanced evolution of it invented in XIII century France.Imagine using this for execution
Especially when you could hold a vote, letting the people decide the method. One option: yeet the person from the trebuchet. The second: yeet something at them from a trebuchet!
Bring outchyo
deadvote!!Yeet a person at this person from a trebuchet!
Of course! It’s the superior siege engine.
And the billionaires will be the first to try it out!
It goes Yah
Sic semper tyrranis
Free time
You seriously think they had more free time?
Debtor’s prisons
Oh this one’s coming, no doubt. Perhaps not in the same mode - it won’t be a home to starve in. More like debt prison slavery
Cloaks and leather boots
Ok, yes, but also with all of the modern advancements in textiles please.
I like it. Stay original for those that want it but add the modern for that that want that.
Royalty and nobility taking part in actual on-the-ground warfare. I’d be curious if that would have any effect on military operations…
nobility taking part in actual on-the-ground warfare.
Weren’t Diana’s kids as involved as they were allowed? Chopper pilots and medics and stuff?
Hats off to them! Where are the rest?
The US doesn’t do conscription. We have something of an economic draft in this country. There’s a whole different conversation to be had about that. I suspect a non-zero change to the frequency and motivations behind our deployments to follow if we make earning privilege compulsory. Our veterans services would likely look a fair bit different as well.
You think they used to mingle with commoners during an assault? They’d be up on the high ground.
I think the movie Braveheart gives a rather accurate representation of how warfare was in medieval times 🫣
I didn’t say anything about reverting back to medieval weaponry or battle tactics. More than a couple ways to make their ears ring these days even if they aren’t the tip of the spear.
the movie Braveheart gives a rather accurate representation
That loud, earth-rumbling moan was the sound of every historian turning over in their grave.
Dragons
Guillotines
Regicide.
