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Hi there and welcome back to another episode of Bitch Slap Kitchen, where we cook food like it owes us money. Today we’re making some delicious backhand chicken.
Suspend a whole chicken in midair form some string or something, haul back, and swing at about mach 5, a little less. You’re probably not going to have any intact glass anywhere in your house and you’ll probably set off some car alarms in the shopping district but you’ll have a table ready main course in milliseconds.
His number are off due to the idea that chicken is cooked at 400F. Yikes!
OMG, I asked copilot to read the text and fix it to 168 degrees F.
I expected it to give me text and for it to be horrible,
what It did was so much worse and so must more impressive.
So has anyone who’s actually cooked a chicken before done the math? Because my guy just slapped this poor bird into pure carbon. Did he mean to do 205°F? It’s still too high, but it would at least be edible.
In general, chicken needs to be heated to 74C or 165F for a few seconds to kill off dangerous pathogens.
Here is a list of other times and temperatures for chicken to be considered safe
Introducing the pneumatic oven range. Place the chicken in the can and press the button… No mess cooking and bone meal blending! High calcium foods!
Yeah yeah we get it, Newton will fry your hand and pls don’t cook a chicken to 205°C core temp.
BUT! What kinda physics major forgets Newton AND the fact that you won’t convert kinetic energy into heat with 100% efficiency?
I know, three math majors in a trench coat, that’s who’ll forget it.
This guy engineers! Real world applications experience vs math
Where’s the link to the YouTube video where someone tried this? I remember listening to it last time someone posted this.
So, how many slaps to cook Stephen Miller?
Fucking nerds in the commentsl love it
Is that less or more the energy of your average Falcon Punch?
What if I wanted to cook the chicke through friction, by say inserting an object 3 fingers or so thick in and out of its cavity as fast as athletically possible? … so um… how long should I keep fucking my chicken?
Math says it’ll take more than 2 minutes, so unfortunately it’s out of reach for you
alternatively, how long do I have to keep choking my chicken to cook it?
As your friendly neighborhood person with knowledge about food and cooking, 2 pounds is an absurd weight for an uncooked rotisserie chicken, that is a very small and cooked weight, 4-6 pounds is going to be typical. Also, more importantly, you cannot cook something faster by increasing the temperature past a pretty quick point, meat is an excellent insulator. No slap can cook the inside of a frozen chicken unless the entire chicken disintegrates.
Tbf though, a slap at 3700 mph would absolutely disintegrate the chicken.
Also, if you cooked it to 400 degrees it would be disgusting. You just need to cook it to 165. This guy might know about physics but he has never cooked anything before.
I’ve read that bone-in chicken should actually get to 190°F as this is when the collagen renders, but Idk it was on the Internet so…
You can cook chicken legs to a higher temp like 180-185°F, but if you do that with white meat it will be dry af.
That’s right, it was when I was looking up the best way to cook a chicken quarter, or rather 60 of them.
This is basically the foundation of barbecue. Off you have a cut of meat that’s tough and high in connective tissue, if you cook it at a low temperature for a long time, once it gets around 190 the collagens start to break down and the meat gets tender. Things like chuck roasts, brisket, pork shoulder.
This has nothing to do with chicken though. A chicken breast, bone in or not, will be disgustingly dry at 190 degrees.
Speak for yourself, I love a good carbonized chicken
And your hand
Shredded chicken it is
No one’s going to point out the absurd starting assumption KE=mcT??
Why is that absurd?
You need a perfect transfer of the kinetic energy to the chicken for that to hold, not a slap
i love fully inelastic chicken
Yeah that’s the part that erks me the most. Ain’t no way that chicken is staying together.
And no heat losses from slapping the chicken either
And they’re not accounting for any amount of cooling between slaps. What’s the ambient temp? What’s the rate of slap?
Gotta love how everyone forgot about Newton in all this. Enjoy your instantly well-cooked hand, which is also made of meat.
My man, if you slapped something at 32,000 miles per hour, you don’t have a hand to cook anymore :P
Double the food. Sweet!
recycling!
