I once posted in this community about an incident with the HVAC repair guy that nearly upended our relationship. (TW b/c there is a description of self harm) We stuck it out since then. Went to couples therapy, etc. It helped for a while, but at some point it ran its course.
Today, we’re worse off than we were before therapy. I’m so exhausted. I feel tense and like I have to walk on eggshells around her. I really thought she was the one, and now I just don’t know what to think anymore.
How do you know when it’s time for things to end? I’m worried it’ll be a terrible mistake to end things, but at the same time, it might be for the best.
I am sorry to hear this. I’m not sure how I would have reacted when things went down like it did with you last year. I think I would have handled the entire repair guy thing way worse than you did. Then again, I think I am (relatively speaking) the mentally unstable one in our relationship.
I think you did the right thing by continuing to work on your relationship and sticking around when many would have bailed long ago. That is admirable.
But there is working on a relationship and there is working on not getting harmed by your partner. You have to take care for yourself and your future happiness. I don’t see happiness in your relationship and I think you don’t too anymore. It will suck a lot at first, but it’s the right thing to do.
Thank you. I broke up with her last night. I wanted it to be on good terms, but it devolved into us venting about our issues with the relationship. It really fucking sucks right now. I looked through all the valentines cards and sticky notes she left for me over the past few years, and I wept. The highs really were high.
I have a support system, but it’s gonna be a while before the pain goes away. It’s brutal, but I couldn’t keep living like this. I haven’t felt like I could be myself around her for a long time; I had to be her ideal partner instead.
You were right about how I was living. I was trying not to be harmed by our relationship instead of enjoying it. And I can’t say how long it’s been like that. It just crept up on me, you know?
It was like I realized how much I’d been carrying this whole time. Trying to keep her happy to avoid being berated or yelled at, or told you’re not good enough. In the moment you can dismiss these things as temporary events, but they’re not temporary when they become part of your daily reality. I really think she wanted perfect, while I could settle for good enough.
I know. Not as bad as you had, but I have been in a toxic relationship before and it’s like being boiled alive slowly. You don’t get it at first and it takes a long time to register somethings wrong.
I don’t want to waste your time with platitudes like “time will heal your wounds” or some shit. But if you want to hear my advice: Hit the gym, play that video game you couldn’t the last few years, cook some extravagant stuff and go on a long trip in a foreign country. Preferably with only a backpack, away from big cities. Its gonna be expensive, but hey: you have already proven that you deserve better 😉