Calling a Jewish girl jew. Wasn’t derogatory, someone asked if so and so went to the local catholic school with me and I said no she’s a jew. Had to watch Schindlers List and write an essay even tho principal acknowledged the teacher was wrong for thinking jew was offensive. This was in 2002.

Kindergarten, in a pencil-sharpening contest with 2 girls. Even though my pencil was clearly sharper, they ganged up on me and said theirs were, vote was 2-1. I exclaimed that “girls are toilets”, which was overheard by the authorities. Spent the rest of the day in timeout.

Getting a 99% grade, proof I don’t care about education and don’t pay attention to anything other than stupid video games. How hard is it to Just Follow Directions? I am so glad I’m not a child anymore.

Was a boy in kindergarten and my teacher told my parents that I was retarded because I couldn’t read. Had been reading to parents since I was three. Turned out she just hated boys.

Making a fireball with the schools powdered coffee creamer.

Teacher handed out some blank pages and wanted a couple line response to something we were doing that day. I wrote it down and decided I wanted to doodle so I (neatly) tore the page in half and handed in my answer. Got points marked off for not handing in a full piece of paper (my response/answer itself was good). WTH? Since when was that a requirement for such casual assignments?

Got suspended in 8th grade for “smoking on school grounds” because I stood outside the front door finishing my fruit snacks before I walked into the school (we weren’t supposed to have snacks outside designated food areas). Some rocket scientist of a teacher saw me standing by the door with my hand occasionally going up to my mouth (I think it may have been cold enough outside to make my breath steam) and said, “AHA! This child is smoking!”

She literally grabbed me by my collar and dragged me to the assistant principal’s office. Multiple other kids, and an adult who must have been someone’s mom, told her I wasn’t smoking, but she wasn’t having any of it. And the assistant principal just believed her out of hand. Wouldn’t even let me finish a sentence to say something in my own defense.

They had the security guard escort me off school grounds. And I just stood there for a while looking back at the school, still holding my fruit snacks, trying to figure out wtf just happened.

I pretty much checked out mentally after that. That kind of stuff ended up being pretty much par for the course. I hung out with the metal/punk/skater/stoner/goth crowd, and that was some kind of unforgivable sin at that school. My friends and I were constantly being singled out for minor or imagined infractions and never believed or given the benefit of the doubt. I went from a 3.8 gpa to something like 0.6 that year. I’d have to sit through all these meetings about how I was “so smart,” and how “I could go so far if only I would apply myself.” And I’d straight up tell them what was going on, and they’d be like, “It’s just a mystery why you won’t apply yourself.”

It’s been like 30 years and I’m still mad about that shit.

I got a paddling for calling a student teacher “Mr. Ummmm… Dude” bc I couldn’t think of his name. The actual teacher said that was the equivalent of him calling me an asshole.

Also

I got suspended because we were selling cookbooks for some event and I didn’t pay attention to the price. I asked someone before I left for the day and they lied and told me double the price. It was 5 he said 10. I learned from a friend that I was told wrong the next day after it came up I sold my mom’s bf one for 10. Principal overheard and I got suspended for 3 days. The art teacher that was in charge of the event told me I “disgusted her” and to get out of her sight.

I could probably go on. School was dumb.

In 2nd grade the teacher had to step out of the room for several minutes and put me in charge. If anyone misbehaved, I was to write their name on the chalkboard. One group of boys did misbehave, so I wrote down their names.

When the teacher returner, she scolded me for “being a snitch” and sent me to the principal’s office.

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Using an unabridged dictionary instead of my 4th-grade textbook’s glossary.

Every new unit in social studies had a vocabulary box with about a dozen “new” words. The teacher’s first assignment in each unit was to write out each word, then the complete definition of that word from the glossary. Each assignment was worth 10 points. Anyone who “failed” the assignment (less than 7 out of 10 points) was given a lunch detention: no recess.

Some units had only a handful of words; the assignment would end up being 2 or 3 pages. Some units had a lot more. They would end up being 5 or 6 pages.

She took off points for each misspelled word, missed punctuation, bad handwriting. The assignment had to be completed in ink, and she prohibited corrections of any sort. No erasable ink: If you made any error anywhere on the page, she expected you to rewrite the entire page. If the ink stopped flowing in your pen, and it produced an interrupted line, that was a point off.

It had to be turned in on standard ruled paper. Using college rule was an instant failure.

Once, I found a nice pen. It was a 1mm ballpoint. It produced nice, thick, clean, dark lines. It wrote smoothly. It was the first pen I found that I actually liked writing with.

Points knocked off immediately: she called it a “marker”, and the assignment was supposed to be completed with a “pen”.

One night, I had forgotten my social studies textbook at school. I decided against even attempting the assignment, and resigned myself to another lunch detention. Dad had other ideas. He insisted that I was exaggerating; the the teacher would be reasonable and accommodating. He said that she would appreciate the effort, and might even give me extra credit for going above and beyond.

He called around, and got the vocabulary list for me. He sat me down with the list and his big, unabridged dictionary, and told me to start writing. I remember that I filled two whole pages with the definition of a single word, and that I turned in 15 pages.

When she was grading my assignment, she called me up, and asked me what I had done. I explained that I had used a dictionary. She pulled out a big red marker, wrote a giant “F” across the first page, and gave me two lunch detentions for my obstinance.

She fucked me up for a few years. All I learned from her was that if I couldn’t achieve absolute perfection, there was no point in even trying.

One, 2nd grade Roman Catholic school, telling a bully of mine that he’s going to H-E-Double Hockey Sticks, got detention for that.

Two, getting detention for skipping/running back in from a fire drill. I think that was 3rd grade.

Gah my school was fucking stupid.

I had a shirt with some random kanji and a cartoon anthropomorphized beer mug and cigarette on it (probably said complete gibberish but it was 2005 so who can tell). Anyway, I got chewed out by a teacher about it being inappropriate, meanwhile some other kid was walking around with a literal Jack Daniel’s shirt without any repercussions.

Kid made himself bleed with a bobby pin and during class his girlfriend asked the teacher to talk about something private: while she was out of the room, he yelled, then said I stabbed him with a pencil.

Later on in the Principal’s office, the teacher came to apologize and showed the bobby pin she confiscated that still had blood on the spot where he removed the rubber tip. She explained that she took it from him before class even started because he wouldn’t stop fidgeting.

Even with proof that I was innocent, that worthless racist ass piece of shit Principal still gave me OSS. I genuinely still wish her and that piece of shit kid the worst, 20+ years after the fact.

Reading ahead in class. I wasn’t reading ahead, I am just a fast reader. Yes, I really did finish that chapter already. Yes, when you said to read it. No, I’m not showing off.

What kind of teacher complains that a kid is reading too much?