on one of my lasts posts, most of the people that answered agreed with the idea I’m on the spectrum. I don’t know. I don’t see anything wrong being myself.
I’d just like some serious answers from neurotypicals explaining to me why my question triggered my coworker so much:
Manager called me to ask if I can take an extra shift at a different unit because they’re short staffed due to illness. I agreed.
Because that unit sometimes overfills and nurses there have to take care of more patients than the ratio agreed with the union I called the unit to ask how many patients they do have today, to have an idea if my shift tomorrow is going to be an easy or a difficult one.
The coworker started yelling and calling me an idiot and using some other choice words, so I said “ok” and hung up.
I didn’t yell at her, I simply asked the question in a neutral tone, and I still don’t get the animosity.
20 minutes later the same person calls to inform she called our manager and tomorrow I don’t have to work at that unit.
All this stupid drama because I asked how many patients they have? I simply don’t get it.
Am I really this autistic?
Your question seems reasonable and their reaction seems unreasonable. Either way, you don’t have to work the extra shift.
Maybe I just don’t have the context to understand this, but it sounds like some sort of a misunderstanding. I can’t say whether you might be on the spectrum, but I’d be equally confused at the person’s response. It’s possible they misunderstood or were otherwise having a bad day. But in this case, I’d say it’s probably not you.
Not neurotypical, but I have ADHD so some of the same stuff you may experience being autistic applies. Not one for one, but I also know a few autistic people and my partner is autistic.
To start, nothing needs to be “wrong” with you to have autism. Its just a different way of thinking and processing. I often tell myself the same thing, I’m not bad or wrong for having ADHD, I’m just different. Just wanted to throw that out there, its very easy to get caught up in that thinking and I’m guilty of it as well.
As for what you experienced, some people just blow up when they’ve had a bad day or are stressed. Your question doesn’t really seem off or unreasonable, I think the way that person handled it was in the wrong if anything. You shouldn’t yell at anyone like that under normal circumstances, certainly not at work.
The way you responded was more indicative of being autistic to an extent.
IMO, nothing wrong with you my friend, seems they had an issue.
The way you responded was more indicative of being autistic to an extent.
would you please elaborate? What gives me away?
Most folks would get mad or say something if someone yelled at them. When you have autism or other neurodivergence of some kind, you tend to respond to things differently.
Since you just said “ok” without explanation or complaint, and then hung up, thats very matter of fact, straight to the point, and lacks the more emotional response most neurotypical people would have.
This is of course just my opinion based on what you have mentioned and my own personal experiences. Not everyone presents Autsim in the same way and I’m not a classic example of ADHD, so take all that with a grain of salt.
Since you just said “ok” without explanation or complaint, and then hung up, thats very matter of fact, straight to the point, and lacks the more emotional response most neurotypical people would have.
because I don’t want drama and when I work I get, as you put it, straight to the point. Why wasting words and time? What do I achieve if I yell and insult back? I become a moron yelling to another moron.
Do you remember how exactly you phrased the question? Maybe it’s not just what you said, but how you said it.
me: Hi, I’m A and tomorrow I’ll be working with you. Can you tell me how many patients do you have today at the unit?
her: what for? (she sounded exasperated).
me: I want to know how much I have to work.
her: are you stupid? (aggressively)
me: I beg your pardon?
her: are you stupid? [insert rant here she started I didn’t listen to because when people yell at me I disconnect and if she already made up her mind not to answer me, why bother? Plus, how many of you can have a conversation with somebody yelling at you?]
me: fine [I hung up]
My guess is this part
I want to know how much I have to work.
To her it might have sounded like you don’t want to work as much while she doesn’t have a choice because it’s her unit. She is already stressed enough so she doesn’t want someone complaining on top of that.
Yeah so explicitly saying “I want to know how much I have to work” is what set her off. It would probably upset most people.
Obviously this is supposition, but she’s probably under a lot of pressure because they’re under staffed. She’s probably working really hard to help the patients in her care, going way above and beyond what’s expected or required in the regs simply because things need to be done and there’s no one else to do them.
She’s desperate for help, and the person that gets assigned to her calls in advance to ask whether it’s going to be busy?
I can see that it may have seemed like a reasonable question, but when posed to someone who’s overworked the response is to be expected.
Can I ask what you would have done with the information? Like if she just said “sure we have n patients”, and that had exceeded the regular for patients to nurses, what would you have done?
me: I want to know how much I have to work.
While the response you got was probably an overreaction, if you stated it exactly this way, that was the trigger.
“I want to know how much I have to work” will suggest that you don’t want to work. A better way to phrase it would have been with your first question:
“Hi, I’m A and tomorrow I’ll be working with you. I don’t usually work there, and I wanted to make sure I was prepared for the workload. About how many patients do you have?”
That tells them that you do want to work. Slotting the word “about” in there lets them know that you don’t expect an exact number (that they would have to shift their own brain gears to go look up), and gives them the option of saying something like “pretty quiet right now” or “it’s crazy, I gotta go, see you tomorrow.”
That’s a bingo.
Since they’re probably chronically overworked, they’re probably unhappy about it. And getting people floated to them who don’t want to do work is a common issue with those kinds of units.
I’m a very nonconfrontational person, but if someone called to interrupt whatever I was doing to ask “I want to know how much I have to work” tomorrow, I wouldn’t be happy.
“I want to know how much I have to work” gives off vibes that you generally put in the minimum effort and want to know if you will actually have to try tomorrow.
This appears not to be correct, but that’s just how people see that particular phrase. It offended her that your question appeared to imply that the level of workload affects your willingness to work in that unit. To mitigate what she perceived as your reluctance to do hard work, she called your manager to make sure that she didn’t have to work with you.
Consider the reason behind your question. Would an accurate answer have actually affected your day? Most people don’t have the luxury of knowing what tomorrow will look like. I understand the desire to be prepared and to know what will be thrown at you beforehand, since I’m neurodivergent too, but often these questions are for our own comfort and an answer is not actually necessary.
I’ve found that sometimes people take a question as a complaint. I don’t understand why either
Something that seems to be overlooked in this thread is this little bit here:
that unit sometimes overfills and nurses there have to take care of more patients than the ratio agreed with the union
If they answered honestly, they could have admitted to violation of the union agreement. Even them rescheduling you after asking that could be interpreted as retribution. You’re reading this as a neurodivergent/neurotypical issue, but it looks to me like a union problem.
Either that or the person on the other side overreacted. I can’t see how to can be interpreted as on the spectrum (given that nothing was left out).
Sounds like they might be very overworked and on a hair trigger as a result…
What would you do with the information?
Like, if the ratio is 1:3 or 1:30, how would that change your life?
It comes across as “hi, I want to know if shit is stressful so I can call out if it’s bad”.
Maybe you’re looking too much into this? Maybe the person was just being rude.
They’re apparently thinking you’re saying that you didn’t agree to work if there are too many patients. Thus the being allowed to not work that ward. They actually fear the union contract and think you’re trying to use it to get out of work.
So they’re disregarding things you explicitly stated “Because…” and inserting assumptions about your intentions that were not stated at all (that you didn’t want to work).
Neurotypicals are so irrational.
I’ve seen people walked out for less andI work in a factory. Call your union rep and tell them about undertaffing and retaliation.
I’ve seen people walked out for less andI work in a factory.
now I’m curious. Would you tell us about it?
You’re interrupting her at work, where you know She’s overworked, to ask if she’s busy? FFS, maybe have some empathy.
Maybe there is some other context in this environment that none of us realize
