I’m talking about like, service workers and store employees who are miserable and take their anger out on completely innocent people.
If you’re hot and dress nice would it make it less likely for you to be the target of those pieces of shit?
I mean I have no personal experience but standing out at all can bring unwanted attention.
I don’t think I stand out
Reading your thing again its strange that you mention employees. I mean there is a gas station I won’t go to because I don’t like the music they play. I will stop patronizing businesses very easily.
What
“store employees who are miserable and take their anger out on completely innocent people”
so it sounds like employees are being mean to customers. did I get that wrong. if so I would not go to that establishment.
Me and my people are bullied less, it is true.
Reading the title, I wondered for an instant in what way body temperature was related to being bullied or not.
I imagine being ‘hot’ can help not being annoyed by bullies (they could be somehow intimidated)… but then being ‘hot’ one would probably be annoyed by admirers or wannabe friends or just plain wankers. Would that really be better? I’m not sure.
I’m not hot and I’m old-ish, and I also don’t give a crap about bullies—I never hesitate to more or less nicely tell a bully to go fuck themselves when I have to—so I may not be the best informed ;)
Idk. When I was at a cafe not too long ago with my ex boyfriend… he was ordering and I sat down at a table.
To put a long story short this dude basically harassed me to move to another table cause he decided the table was better for him and his 2 friends or some bs. I’m honestly not even sure. But he was a total jerk and literally made me get up and move twice, at which point I told him to go fuck himself, but he had no shame at all.
Later my ex told me he probably wouldn’t have told a girl with her nails done and a purse to do the same. In this country there are a lot of women that dress fancy. I dress casual. So basically, i do think part of it is that.
I’m just wondering if it would actually stop people acting this way though.
It’s weird though cause they always pick on me. For example a cashier was really rude to me, and then there was a guy right after me who she was super nice to.
I don’t know wtf is happening I’m so sick of it cause it happens way too often I just want to go outside without being treated like garbage for 2 seconds
“If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you’re the asshole.”
It’s more of a bell curve situation. The goal is to look as unoffensive as possible. Anything that can set off the ‘life is unfair’ alarm in people who are already unhappy increases the chances of comments. That includes, looking nice, wearing expensive (or perceived expensive) anything, most well doe makeup usage, nonstandard nailwork (anything more than a simple color).
While this isn’t true for everyone, it is definitely true for those who are willing to toss out comments in the first place…
And I wonder more than that how often you are getting comments. Unless you’re on either extreme end of the bell curve, or in some other way sticking out way more than you should, it’s strange to me that anyone would deal with being bullied.
Did you literally just use all those words to imply adult bullying doesn’t happen
I can appreciate that this is a sensitive topic for you but they didn’t claim adult bullying doesn’t happen. They said it’s strange to them that anyone is dealing with bullying outside of extreme circumstances. That’s my experience as well. Where I live It’s not culturally acceptable to bully. I’m sure it still happens but it’s rarer than other countries I have lived or visited.
He said, and I quote:
“Unless you’re on either extreme end of the bell curve, or in some other way sticking out way more than you should, it’s strange to me that anyone would deal with being bullied.”
Why would it be strange to him that anyone is getting bullied? It’s incredibly common especially in workplaces
Where do you live if I may ask? I’m also curious to hear the other places where it’s more common. I’ve been looking into moving cause of the amount of bullying here unironically
Why would it be strange to him that anyone is getting bullied? It’s incredibly common especially in workplaces
Because it’s not common everywhere. I’m sure it happens everywhere but it’s a lot more common in certain places and industries. That’s why it’s strange to them.
Where do you live if I may ask?
I currently live in friendly Belleville, Ontario, Canada, it’s a city of 50K. I was born in the UK, grew up in Australia, and have lived / spent a lot of time in a few other countries as well.
Okay. Well I found workplace bullying common in the GTA. Not sure if it’s like that in smaller towns, but in day to day outside I pretty much never got treated poorly there. Customer service and grocery/store workers never bullied me.
What industry do you work in/have experienced bullying in?
Office jobs, AP/AR, that kind of stuff
Does being bullied decrease the chance of you being hot?
I’m above-average attractive and almost never face aggression. I’m also above-average height and broad across the shoulders, though, which probably has more to do with it.
That said, in my experience, customer service workers are far more likely to be the recipients of aggression and abuse than to give it out. Like others, I’m very curious as to where you live that you’re experiencing otherwise; I’m thinking it’s gotta be a place where it’s very difficult to fire people, a place with very strong labor protection laws.
It’s a place where nobody gives enough of a fuck to fire people (eastern Europe) good luck getting the police to come even if you’re getting murdered
Ani DiFranco put it well. “God forbid you be an ugly girl, 'course too pretty is also your doom, 'cause everyone harbors a secret hatred for the prettiest girl in the room.”
No. I have known a lot of attractive people get bullied by jealous bullies. Imagine you’re attractive, guys checking you out, and girls who work HARD to get noticed see you get noticed without much effort. You may even be, “no thank you,” like you have a choice. And they will seethe because they think it’s unfair you “have it so easy.” Logic and reason do not apply to bullies, they only know how to “preemptively retaliate” to keep the status quo in their head,
Get hot enough, and not even ninjas will be able to touch you.
If you’re hot and dress nice would it make it less likely for you to be the target of those pieces of shit?
i think it has more to do with your body language and how you are directing your attention during the interaction.
I don’t think I’m got now but I’ve been pretty attractive at times. Bullies will bully when and where they think they can get away with it. Especially where it gives them an advantage or a perceived advantage.
I’ve seen it at every level from fast food worker to upper levels of a large company.
Your hotness might affect how obvious a bully is but it can also make you a tantalizing target.
However, I suspect less skilled bullies are more likely to go for easier targets (people who are less conventionally attractive being a subset of folks a bully might find an easier target).
I don’t think that attractiveness alone is that big of a factor.
I rarely get shit from people in a workplace like you described, but it’s more because I’m nice to everybody and I don’t respond to aggression with aggression.
Most people are reactive by default, which is usually what aggressive people are looking for.
I find that the less aggression you dish out, the less people try to serve it to you.
That said you could maybe make an argument that attractive people have slightly less to be cranky about on average and maybe that makes them less reactive, etc, but I don’t think that holds weight.
Most attractive people don’t know they’re attractive, and those who know it still rarely feel it. Self-perception is a bitch for everyone, no matter how you look to other people.
No, assholes will always be assholes no matter what you look like
Based on your comments here, and your post history, it sounds like you may live somewhere with an awful culture. It also sounds like you’re really negative and disdainful of others, and also pretty passive, being willing to move twice for strangers who wanted your table. All this sets you up for a bad time.
The way to not be bullied is to not let yourself be bullied. Don’t give someone else the power to decide how you feel. Laugh at them or ignore them and move on instead of dwelling in anger or resentment.
I live in the US, and while bullying does happen, it’s far outside the norm. I’ve never experienced it in my professional life, and instances even when I worked retail and grocery when I was younger were always addressed. Bullying is something children do, and adults with personality problems.
Thanks for looking at my post history. I’m sure if I told him I won’t move, I would be labelled as aggressive, uncooperative and problem creating.
You can never win.
“You seem so disdainful” yeah maybe it’s because I’m nice to people every day and all I do is get treated like fucking garbage and this is my only outlet
Still don’t appreciate you trying to insinuate it’s my fault
If you define winning as everybody always liking you and nobody ever having a bad opinion of you then yes, you can never win.
The trick is not to define “winning” as some impossible task like everyone always liking you.
because I’m nice to people every day and all I do is get treated like fucking garbage and this is my only outlet
There’s a difference between being nice and letting people walk all over you.
I mean to say, I always begin each interaction with being nice. I don’t come to them with a crap mood or aggression
Ethics is more complicated than you think it is.
There is absolutely no reason that the set of rules you learned first would be the actual set of rules that governs people.
As you have learned, being non-aggressive is not sufficient strategy to avoid others’ aggression.
There’s no reason to think it would be, except that it was in kindergarten when large authority giants would easily overpower any aggressor, and would by policy do so on behalf of the nonagressive ones.
Don’t confuse kindergarten rules for global culture. Huge mistake.
Actual culture evolved from nature, and in nature in order to protect yourself you must retaliate when attacked. Every organism has weapons. Every organism.
Meditate on that. Why would every organism use some of its previous energy budget building weapons? Why would evolution select for that 100% of the time?
I don’t know if I was insinuating that your experience here is your fault as much as I was giving explicit reasons why it’s probably your fault.
I’m sure if I told him I won’t move, I would be labelled as aggressive, uncooperative and problem creating.
Labelled by who? The stranger who wants your table? And then what? And why do you care? This is all you, trying to people please and avoid conflict. Assertiveness is a skill you can learn and would go a long way toward helping you with the problem you’re describing.
You’re being unnecessarily antagonistic
Edit: i see you have edited the comment
I added “And why do you care?”, but you didn’t respond to anything I said anyway, so why does it matter
