“Frank, are you saying ‘soul’ or ‘hole’?”

well duh, that’s how they built the pyramids

Any weapon can be a blunt weapon if you’re holding it wrong

Motherfucker looks like he sleeps in a space blanket and knows a lot about the Magna Carta.

“Hale and well-met, everybody.”

“Nørmr!”

“What would you say to an ale, there, Nørmr?”

“I’d say ‘Make peace with the spirits of your ancestors, for you shall soon greet them in Valhalla.’”

Doubly appropriate since “Only A Fool Would Say That” was allegedly written as a jab at John Lennon.

What is a boy to do???

I’ve always far preferred the Weird Al version, myself.

And try very hard to let the door hit you on the way out!

I suppose, to be fair, I would also probably strive to do the exact opposite of anything the Heritage Foundation told me to do.

if anything they’ve reopened their account with Master Don

Hell, it’s not even any of the things the Internet has taken to calling “gaslighting,” most which aren’t gaslighting either. It’s just reverse psychology.

“You there, on the motorcycle! Sell me one of your melons!”

Seems like everyone’s been getting that noise lately. I’m on my third.

I think I’m gonna head on down to the Bong Recreation Area and take the Green Trail for a while if you know what I mean

(I mean I’m going to take a scenic nature walk in one of Wisconsin’s beautiful state parks, what the hell did you think I meant?)

“We’ve erected a 3-kilometer-long tied-arch bridge so people can get into and out of the Superior bay area quicker and easier, and we’ll be dedicating it to World War II pilot Richard Bong.”

“Okay, what are you calling it?”

“Right now we’ve got ‘Dick Bong’s Long, Curvaceous Erection for the Repeated Entering and Exiting of a Wet Superior Inlet.’”

“…We’ll workshop it.”

Where on earth would you find a wall on a road with a fotorealistic continuation of the road printed on it?

Spoken like a man who has never relentlessly pursued a roadrunner, nor taken a wrong turn at Albuquerque.

Hey, he’s not wrong, I can think of a couple old fossils I’d like to see experience internal combustion if you know what I mean.

and then the doctor says “I can’t operate on this wizard… he’s my son!!”

“Sometimes, late at night, when I can’t sleep, and it’s just me, alone with my thoughts… I just… I can’t help but feel… I should’ve called it Pear.”