Any advice that starts with “just…” is automatically invalid.
… Make a list and do one at a time.
… Set a reminder.
… Install some time-tracking productivity software on your phone or computer.
… Go for a walk and clear your head.
… Keep a jug of water nearby.
Man the tips work for some and not for some. Just is some people’s way of trying to make it easier, seem easier to remove the threshold just a tiny bit. You don’t need to shit on the people trying to help
I understand most of what you’re saying, but wouldn’t setting a reminder help with some things? I have ADHD and it does help me with some of the things I need to get done. Is your problem with that one more that it just sounds condescending?
Of course it would, but it’s like meeting a deaf person and suggesting hearing aids and closed captioning. You think people don’t know about setting reminders?
Yeah. Same here. Even my test results showed signs of overcompensation. I got most stuff correct in time, but my impulsivity (and gaming addiction) shined through. It was stressful as hell and I tried my best. Then took the test again on meds and 1) it wasn’t stressful, I was zen! 2) I was far less impulsive. xD
I didn’t understand for so long how people could just sit down and do shit, while I hated doing things like dishes so much it made me irrationally angry.
Just knowing I have a problem helped. With some consideration and research I got ideas on how to deal with some of my problems. Example: hate washing dishes? Reduce the number of dishes you have at home and replace as many as possible with dishwasher-safe alternatives (assuming you have a dishwasher). Then they can’t pile up so bad and it becomes less intimidating to take on.
What didn’t help: suggestions from people without ADHD. “Just do it”, “schedule it”, “task tracker”, etc… yeah fuck that.
Struggle with eating fruit/veg instead of shit snacks? Buy pre-cut stuff.
Don’t know what to cook? Use a recipe randomizer each week and just buy what you need, or just do 5 pages out of a cookbook or something, idk. Hell for a while I just made the same meals every week, no planning necessary.
Hate folding clothes? Just don’t. Reduce the amount of clothing you have, get bins for each type of clothing, separate and pile that shit.
I often find some ADHD people (myself included for a long time) for some reason automatically shun the simple ideas like this. ALOT of them really are helpful and it does take ALOT of will power. Especially for someone with executive function disorder.
Maybe I’m just a one off case but after putting in years of effort the habits I made have really helped me. And I can feel the damage that occurs when I stop doing them.
I think the key is that we are so often told what to do, but rarely are instructed on how to do it - it’s easy to give advice, but without providing the structure to actually implement the advice, it isn’t worth much. People seem to forget how much work it takes for us to do the things they suggest. Very little advice is as straight-forward as advice-givers make it sound.
Like above, one can say “install time-tracking productivity software” but what does that really mean? To me, it means that now I’ll have to research different types of software. Which means I have to find something compatible with my devices that also: respects my privacy, is easy to use, that has a reasonable price point, and won’t bombard me with ads. If I manage to do all that without getting side-tracked for too long (which is a big “IF”), THEN I have to set up the software and figure out how to use it. Only after all that can I get to the step of actually using it… which honestly, is easy to forget to do as well.
Point is, a lot of “simple advice” isn’t actually that simple for people with ADHD. So when people talk like an idea is some easy thing, it can leave a lot of us feeling like we can’t even reach out for help because iT’s sO siMpLe that asking for help feels embarassing. Yet without guided support, it’s much easier to discount the advice outright than to try to figure out how to implement it on our own. So we fall into that trap, and the “good advice” is ignored yet again.
100% all those simple ideas definitely work for anyone, but it usually takes far longer for someone with ADHD to implement these ideas and make them a habit on their own, and even more effort to keep the habit going. This is really confusing to someone without ADHD because in their own lives when they put effort in to changing something they usually see results somewhat quickly. Thus, they assume the ADHD individual does not care or have the desire to change because there’s no immediate visible results, or not as many visible results over a longer period of time
It’s not the ideas themselves that are the issue, it’s the idea that a person making the suggestion will fix you with such basic suggestions. Alarms? Oh, I hadn’t heard of those, and now I’m cured! Time tracking software? I had not thought of that! Suppose I can cancel my therapy appointments.
I think it’s usually more of a suggestion of a place to start. Alarms for example are really good. Especially if you issue is not being able to remember things. There is no one size fits all solution.
Right, my point is that the unhelpful bit is assuming you can solve it with one suggestion. “Just set an alarm” is condescending and frustrating to receive as advice. I know about alarms, and even if I had anticipated needing a reminder, I might have simply forgotten to set one. Or maybe I had an alarm, but missed it because I was distracted by something else going on.
I’m not sure they consider it solving your problem but throwing your hands in the air and giving up is not a solution. And there really is no magic bullet. Even with medication you will need to take steps to self adjust your own behavior, it’s unavoidable and hard.
You may miss alarms it’s part of the process of making the habit. You may forget, but aiming for a goal of starting that habit is the point.
Not it’s not. You are right. It takes a lot longer to learn those habits and apply it in a useful way. It’s taken me ~9 years and of taking it more seriously. I still f up from time to time. Just not nearly as much as when I started trying to get my shit together. (Even my test results showed overcompensation in my attention problem lol)
You still need to develop those skills on meds. Which takes practice. Meds make it easier to practice.
I think a lot of people on these communities are at a point of discovery and realization. That there is a big factor (ADHD) causing their struggles in life. That they are not “just lazy and undisciplined.” A phase that can look like self-victimization and excuses.
Thing that worked well for me btw, is the ADHD guide on HealthyGamerGG. The name sounds stupid, but it’s the online name of a psychiatrist with experience with ADHD patients, and he takes a hollistic approach. I usually despise every form of spirituality, but he managed to filter out the “woo woo” (as he calls it) and stick to the practical aspects of meditation and how the mind works. Helped me understand my issues and how to handle them better.
I also urge people to be careful with medication. Dosing is important. I was put on a high level of medication and it basically just cracked me out 24/7. I would tell people it was helping me but it held me back a lot. Several of my friends of victims of the same issues. The drugs gave me all the serotonin I needed and it kinda kept me from doing anything at all instead of leveling me out where I could focus.
It took a lot of self reflection to see the damage it was doing.
Medication is a valuable tool but listen to your support structures and let your doctors know how you are responding to your meds.
What is valid is mind your business. If you meet someone in a wheelchair, do you start recommending surgical treatments or physical therapy exercises? ADHD is a medical condition, and there is no cure-all treatment or technique that will make the problem go away. You deal with someone who has ADHD with understanding and empathy. If their condition affects you, especially in a negative way (they frequently forget plans, or they are late and you find yourself waiting) then you should honestly communicate those issues. But it’s not your problem to fix. Some problems can’t be fixed. You’re entitled to your happiness, but unless you’re their doctor, you don’t need to help them come up with a solution.
What was your single cure-all suggestion to your colleague that fixed him?
You help by talking with them to uncover the root of the problem and working with them to avoid it in the future. There isn’t going to be a simple fix that guarantees it won’t happen again. “Just install an app” isn’t treatment.
It’s like you’re not reading what i’m saying on purpose.
So perpetual liability regardless of what we do? Is that the advice you give? Saying “talk to them” is as vague a response as the advice listed from the first comment i responded to.
Seriously putting the effort in and doing these things over and over again, reinforcing it in my head, for two decades helped me really get my adhd in control. It took like ten years for me to feel like I made any progress though, and I felt like a hopeless moron. But it started to work. I never tried medication for mine and I’m glad now that I didn’t.
Doesn’t mean you’ll magically be able to concentrate but context switches sometimes help focus on different issues. Plus it’s healthy. Spend 3 days cooped up in your home trying to work from home and that walk outdoors is going to do wonders for your well-being.
It’s like a quick reboot for your brain. Not a silver bullet, but sometimes it helps. A lot of the time it doesn’t.
Works for me, too, sometimes. But I also have arthritis, not that I would expect anyone to know that, but that’s kind of my point. There’s no cure for ADHD, and you definitely can’t fix it if you “just” do one of the most common methods of mitigating symptoms. Oh, you have back pain? Just take a Tylenol. Just do some physical therapy. Just lie down for a bit. Just get a spinal fusion surgery.
Yup. I found that “taking the mind out on walkies” offers space for the mental storm to calm down a bit. Doesn’t do shit for focus, but takes away stress.
Any advice that starts with “just…” is automatically invalid.
… Make a list and do one at a time.
… Set a reminder.
… Install some time-tracking productivity software on your phone or computer.
… Go for a walk and clear your head.
… Keep a jug of water nearby.
Man the tips work for some and not for some. Just is some people’s way of trying to make it easier, seem easier to remove the threshold just a tiny bit. You don’t need to shit on the people trying to help
I understand most of what you’re saying, but wouldn’t setting a reminder help with some things? I have ADHD and it does help me with some of the things I need to get done. Is your problem with that one more that it just sounds condescending?
Of course it would, but it’s like meeting a deaf person and suggesting hearing aids and closed captioning. You think people don’t know about setting reminders?
They’re all pretty helpful. I also don’t understand.
The one that got me when I was still undiagnosed still infuriates me to this day.
I tried that and went from a 90 average slacking off to a 92 burning myself out “applying myself” in place of any activity that brought me joy.
Yeah. Same here. Even my test results showed signs of overcompensation. I got most stuff correct in time, but my impulsivity (and gaming addiction) shined through. It was stressful as hell and I tried my best. Then took the test again on meds and 1) it wasn’t stressful, I was zen! 2) I was far less impulsive. xD
I didn’t understand for so long how people could just sit down and do shit, while I hated doing things like dishes so much it made me irrationally angry.
Just knowing I have a problem helped. With some consideration and research I got ideas on how to deal with some of my problems. Example: hate washing dishes? Reduce the number of dishes you have at home and replace as many as possible with dishwasher-safe alternatives (assuming you have a dishwasher). Then they can’t pile up so bad and it becomes less intimidating to take on.
What didn’t help: suggestions from people without ADHD. “Just do it”, “schedule it”, “task tracker”, etc… yeah fuck that.
I often find some ADHD people (myself included for a long time) for some reason automatically shun the simple ideas like this. ALOT of them really are helpful and it does take ALOT of will power. Especially for someone with executive function disorder.
Maybe I’m just a one off case but after putting in years of effort the habits I made have really helped me. And I can feel the damage that occurs when I stop doing them.
You’re definitely not alone.
I think the key is that we are so often told what to do, but rarely are instructed on how to do it - it’s easy to give advice, but without providing the structure to actually implement the advice, it isn’t worth much. People seem to forget how much work it takes for us to do the things they suggest. Very little advice is as straight-forward as advice-givers make it sound.
Like above, one can say “install time-tracking productivity software” but what does that really mean? To me, it means that now I’ll have to research different types of software. Which means I have to find something compatible with my devices that also: respects my privacy, is easy to use, that has a reasonable price point, and won’t bombard me with ads. If I manage to do all that without getting side-tracked for too long (which is a big “IF”), THEN I have to set up the software and figure out how to use it. Only after all that can I get to the step of actually using it… which honestly, is easy to forget to do as well.
Point is, a lot of “simple advice” isn’t actually that simple for people with ADHD. So when people talk like an idea is some easy thing, it can leave a lot of us feeling like we can’t even reach out for help because iT’s sO siMpLe that asking for help feels embarassing. Yet without guided support, it’s much easier to discount the advice outright than to try to figure out how to implement it on our own. So we fall into that trap, and the “good advice” is ignored yet again.
100% all those simple ideas definitely work for anyone, but it usually takes far longer for someone with ADHD to implement these ideas and make them a habit on their own, and even more effort to keep the habit going. This is really confusing to someone without ADHD because in their own lives when they put effort in to changing something they usually see results somewhat quickly. Thus, they assume the ADHD individual does not care or have the desire to change because there’s no immediate visible results, or not as many visible results over a longer period of time
It’s not the ideas themselves that are the issue, it’s the idea that a person making the suggestion will fix you with such basic suggestions. Alarms? Oh, I hadn’t heard of those, and now I’m cured! Time tracking software? I had not thought of that! Suppose I can cancel my therapy appointments.
I think it’s usually more of a suggestion of a place to start. Alarms for example are really good. Especially if you issue is not being able to remember things. There is no one size fits all solution.
Right, my point is that the unhelpful bit is assuming you can solve it with one suggestion. “Just set an alarm” is condescending and frustrating to receive as advice. I know about alarms, and even if I had anticipated needing a reminder, I might have simply forgotten to set one. Or maybe I had an alarm, but missed it because I was distracted by something else going on.
I’m not sure they consider it solving your problem but throwing your hands in the air and giving up is not a solution. And there really is no magic bullet. Even with medication you will need to take steps to self adjust your own behavior, it’s unavoidable and hard.
You may miss alarms it’s part of the process of making the habit. You may forget, but aiming for a goal of starting that habit is the point.
Why would you assume that they are giving up just because they didn’t take your advice?
Not it’s not. You are right. It takes a lot longer to learn those habits and apply it in a useful way. It’s taken me ~9 years and of taking it more seriously. I still f up from time to time. Just not nearly as much as when I started trying to get my shit together. (Even my test results showed overcompensation in my attention problem lol)
You still need to develop those skills on meds. Which takes practice. Meds make it easier to practice.
I think a lot of people on these communities are at a point of discovery and realization. That there is a big factor (ADHD) causing their struggles in life. That they are not “just lazy and undisciplined.” A phase that can look like self-victimization and excuses.
Thing that worked well for me btw, is the ADHD guide on HealthyGamerGG. The name sounds stupid, but it’s the online name of a psychiatrist with experience with ADHD patients, and he takes a hollistic approach. I usually despise every form of spirituality, but he managed to filter out the “woo woo” (as he calls it) and stick to the practical aspects of meditation and how the mind works. Helped me understand my issues and how to handle them better.
I also urge people to be careful with medication. Dosing is important. I was put on a high level of medication and it basically just cracked me out 24/7. I would tell people it was helping me but it held me back a lot. Several of my friends of victims of the same issues. The drugs gave me all the serotonin I needed and it kinda kept me from doing anything at all instead of leveling me out where I could focus.
It took a lot of self reflection to see the damage it was doing.
Medication is a valuable tool but listen to your support structures and let your doctors know how you are responding to your meds.
Then give examples of what is valid.
Otherwise both problems persist. Misunderstanding by normals and undiagnosed ADHD-affected missing a tool.
I have no idea how to deal with someone that has adhd. I just know that they can’t process time the same way other people can.
What is valid is mind your business. If you meet someone in a wheelchair, do you start recommending surgical treatments or physical therapy exercises? ADHD is a medical condition, and there is no cure-all treatment or technique that will make the problem go away. You deal with someone who has ADHD with understanding and empathy. If their condition affects you, especially in a negative way (they frequently forget plans, or they are late and you find yourself waiting) then you should honestly communicate those issues. But it’s not your problem to fix. Some problems can’t be fixed. You’re entitled to your happiness, but unless you’re their doctor, you don’t need to help them come up with a solution.
What a non-answer. I have a colleague with adhd that lost a customer because he couldn’t finish a job in time. Quite literally my business.
How do i help so it doesn’t happen again? From all i hear its a treatable issue.
What was your single cure-all suggestion to your colleague that fixed him?
You help by talking with them to uncover the root of the problem and working with them to avoid it in the future. There isn’t going to be a simple fix that guarantees it won’t happen again. “Just install an app” isn’t treatment.
It’s like you’re not reading what i’m saying on purpose.
So perpetual liability regardless of what we do? Is that the advice you give? Saying “talk to them” is as vague a response as the advice listed from the first comment i responded to.
I’m not sure if that’s irony or projection.
Start over from the top and try reading the whole thing again. But this time, just try to comprehend what I was saying.
Comprehension goes both ways
Nothing you said didn’t make sense. You’re just missing the point. Which more or less was my point, so thanks for serving as an example.
Helping them get professional help from a doctor or therapist can be very helpful though. Also ask what you can do to support them.
Seriously putting the effort in and doing these things over and over again, reinforcing it in my head, for two decades helped me really get my adhd in control. It took like ten years for me to feel like I made any progress though, and I felt like a hopeless moron. But it started to work. I never tried medication for mine and I’m glad now that I didn’t.
That’s amazing!
I swear by the go for a walk one.
Doesn’t mean you’ll magically be able to concentrate but context switches sometimes help focus on different issues. Plus it’s healthy. Spend 3 days cooped up in your home trying to work from home and that walk outdoors is going to do wonders for your well-being.
It’s like a quick reboot for your brain. Not a silver bullet, but sometimes it helps. A lot of the time it doesn’t.
Works for me, too, sometimes. But I also have arthritis, not that I would expect anyone to know that, but that’s kind of my point. There’s no cure for ADHD, and you definitely can’t fix it if you “just” do one of the most common methods of mitigating symptoms. Oh, you have back pain? Just take a Tylenol. Just do some physical therapy. Just lie down for a bit. Just get a spinal fusion surgery.
Any of those might help, or maybe not.
Yup. I found that “taking the mind out on walkies” offers space for the mental storm to calm down a bit. Doesn’t do shit for focus, but takes away stress.
“Wow, that’s an amazing list of things I never considered doing”
Man, NTs get mad when you sarcastically point out why their advice is bad and you’re not willing to play along to not hurt their feelings.
Yeah, frankly I’m shocked by the number of comments saying “I dont understand, why are you complaining about all my good ideas?”