Credit: u/manchesterMan0098
Everyone can benefit from a therapist and everyone can benefit from a loving, caring partner.
Who knew?
It definitely does not need to be one or the other. Oftentimes therapy could help in the relationship department considerably. Deep hurt is hard to get through alone, yet I hope more and more people understand there is help out there.
If relationships are a two way street, and one person is hurting enough to affect their role within it all there should be no shame in reaching out in that way. It could help a lot. It’s a shame there’s still so much stigma around therapy.I dont think that stigma is going to get any better any time soon (at least in the US). The past year has given me significantly less trust that anything medical remains private; i have no trust that things said in confidence will not be weaponized against me by the current government. There have already been cases of states demanding medical records for pregnancy, abortion, and transgender records, and texas actually got their hands on some records IIRC.
My therapist says she takes a bare minimum of notes because she understands the fear people have of private info getting leaked. Maybe someone worried about that could ask about their notes process during the therapist-finding stage.
I was implying that both are beneficials.
Oh yeah me too. I agree with everything you said, was just adding on my bit :)
I can’t comprehend what I read today. Sorry
Wait wait wait… You’re telling me people need love? Pfft I don’t believe it.
I can guarantee there are at least a few people out there who don’t actually need love in adulthood to live happy and fulfilling lives.
There is a well-known study about this: All You Need Is Love (Martin et al., 1967)
Not when they see relationships as transactional
I don’t think the OP in the screenshot is describing a loving partnership though - the emotional support described is very much one sided.
There is no reason to assume that
I’m a man and I just need a big hairy and muscular chest to lay my head on the end of a very tough day.
I have no idea what this guy is on about.
He said a hairy and muscular chest! That chest is smooth!
So a pitbull?
He wants to wake up with his face still on
Life’s hard when your husband has a smooth chest 😔
So, uh, if this is what men need at the end of the day, what does this guy think women need at the end of their day? Or is it only men “fighting battles” in their day-to-day lives? Because this surely implies that either men are needlessly making things harder for themselves if women somehow manage to avoid daily battles, or that women don’t need comfort after their daily battles… and wouldn’t that make men, who do need that help, the weaker sex?
See, youre actually missing one key component here. They dont think of women as people. Just baby machines made to please men.
It’s true. As soon as I’m out of sight of my husband I dock like a Roomba and wait until he returns so I can wipe away his tears and give him a foot rub.
/s
Every woman I’ve ever dated has expected me to do what they call “being there for them” in what I can only assume to be situations similar to whatever he’s hyperbolically referring to as “battles,” and I was happy to, and they did the same for me which I appreciated. But maybe since it’s just taken for granted that men do that for women (people itt seem not to realize being supportive is a bare minimum expectation for any partner), and according to the post it is mommy issues when a man wants it in return, it sounds to me like women are the weaker one.
Did I do the gender war right? Do we really have to “men bad women bad” wanting supportive partners ffs? This is why I don’t talk to people anymore, cats are better.
All women have to do is iron his shirt and make sure there’s food on the table when he gets in. He’s out in the real world doing manly things to bring home the bacon.
I know right! It’s all “but men bruh” but who takes care of women?
I know themselves do, because no one will. But somehow that’s accepted, and men taking care of themselves and stop exploiting women isn’t?
Women: “I want a guy in touch with his feelings.”
Men: “I want a woman I can share my feelings with.”
Internet people: “Women aren’t your mommy, go see a therapist with your dumb feelings.”
Me, too moron to interact with human: “Hello kitty, wanna watch King Of the Hill again? Me too, I’ll get the blanket.”
The guy in the screenshot is not in touch with his feelings.
Yeah, in touch with your feelings != dumping your feelings out of a firehose at a partner who’s expected to just soak them all up once a week, then pretending they don’t exist the rest of the time.
I also suspect that by intimacy in this case the first guy means bangmaid
Sorry, not sorry. If he begins this with “Men do not need a therapist.” (And many men do) And then declare that the women men need be soft and caring while verbally presenting the man as a hero who fights his daily battles… that’s just toxic bullshit as fuck.
I’m okay with somebody accepting and wanting traditional gender roles, everyone’s got their own taste in potential partners and need to find the person right for them.
But declaring what “men” need and then prescribing not only traditional but toxically overblown gender roles for everyone is just… BAH! And the disapproval for Therapy or telling “men” that they don’t need therapy when many of us do… that’s just indicative of the most bullshit incel-alpha-baby-needs-a-mommy mindset.
It’s a gradient, but this particular case is distasteful because the man is expecting his partner to do literally free therapy, rather than work with a professional. It’s more akin to treating your partner as an emotional dumping ground than opening up.
If this is happening in the context of a more equitable relationship, where they both take turns supporting each other, then it’s totally different, though.
It doesn’t even sound like he wants free therapy. He wants a woman to kiss him on the head and tell him what a good boy he is and how hard he worked, while ignoring any problems he might have. I don’t see a therapist’s role as “nurturing and restoring” unless you’re dating them.
Maybe he literally has no problems besides no gf?
Also I guess gay men don’t exist. But would not be surprised someone with such a bad take also has bad ideas about queerness
You are correct. People with these attitudes would prefer gay men to not exist.
Twitter is where discourse goes to die
Why is he genderizing therapy? Do men not have brains?
I’m a man. I don’t need therapy because I don’t want to. That’s different. I need therapy, I just don’t want to.
There are men (and entire cultures) that think having psychical problems is a weakness, makes you a weak man and most fear being weak, what ironically makes them weak.
Women, on the other hand, are seen as the weak gender by default, so there it’s less of a problem.
what ironically makes them weak.
Exactly. It’s funny like calling my hotrod engine weak for needing oil changes.
Women aren’t paid enough to be both your bangmaid and your therapist.
Nor do I, that’s why I prefer sexless silence with my partners, just sit there and listen to the forks clink on the plate. I don’t need to hear about her stupid day and it’s not my job to make her cum goddammit!
(/s ffs. Do you people want romantic partners or roommates?)
Between Two Ferns: Dating Edition
How about if you’re their bangmaid and therapist right back? Sounds like a good deal to me
Women only want one thing and it’s fucking disgusting.
Its a peg or be pegged world.
But why XOR not OR?
We all need a caring person to nurture and restore our energy. This is a fundamental part of loving someone. Your parents do it when you’re young but that does not mean you stop needing it.
Both of these posters are toxic in different ways.
“all the battles he fought that day”
jesus, stop romanticizing having to deal with life dude. guess what, everyone does.
what are the odds that this guy lost his shit at the man vs bear question.
Obviously the man is better than the bear - all he wants from the woman in the woods is for her to live a life of servitude to him as his psuedo mommy, wife, child producer and lover, because he has epic Viking battles he has to deal with…. of taking the trash to the curb, and waiting in traffic to get to work, because therapy is too expensive, or feminine?
Lmao
That part got me too. All the battles? Your fucking tps reports are battles? The person at dunkin got your order wrong, is that another battle for the day?
This is that meme where the shriveled up dude says “Stop giving me your toughest battles” and Jesus just replies with something like “you literally just have to put the shopping cart back when you’re done”
Men can always care for each other and stop expecting women to do all the work.
Yeah this is something I’ve been trying to walk the talk about.
I joined an adults sports league and have a few friends I call almost daily on rotation (whether they want it or not lol) and I’ve started feeling a lot more fulfilled and less anxious.
Most of those friends expect my calls now, and I get questioned if I can’t make it to a practice or game. It feels good to have your presence desired, whether it’s in a romantic or platonic relationship. There’s an epidemic of men who think that that void can only be filled with a lover.
“Stop expecting women to do all the work.” All the work?
So men should be expected to do the (actual) work and the emotional work?
So what good are women? Baby ovens?
You incels are so weird.
Lol. If you only knew.
I could explain you, but your wouldn’t understand
Or we can just produce fewer of them.
Who needs therapy when you can foist off all of your emotional needs on one person?
I don’t think therapy is a particularly good substitute for having loved ones you can be intimate with. Nor is relationships necessarily tools for learning to deal with every dysfunction that one could have.
It’s the exact inverse; therapy is a tool for learning how to deal with your deficiencies, while relationships are there for having loved ones you can be intimate with
“I dont need therapy, I just need to have a woman that reminds me of my mother who will fuck me”
Ok? So what’s your point?
As a guy, when I was younger, I jumped from relationship to relationship looking for that exact thing. You know what I got for my trouble? Nothing.
So, during my college years, I spent time by myself, learning how to get by and be okay with surviving without relying on anyone else. It was a farce of course because I was in school, not going to work, but it was close enough.
I got into the workforce and all of the things I forced myself to learn to be independent from literally everyone, was the pivot point where I was able to stabilize my life and start dating.
After a while I knew I didn’t want someone who needed me. I wanted someone who 100% could do everything that they needed to do on their own, but wanted me around anyways.
I found what I was looking for. I put a ring on it.
I don’t worry when she goes out in her vehicle that she bought with her own money for her own purposes, that she’s going to go find someone “better” because neither of us care about what’s “better” than whatever else. I don’t have to worry that she’ll call and say she needs money because x, y, or z. She has her own money she made, that she can spend however she wants.
We split household costs, we enjoy eachother company and we value that we aren’t relied on by the other for everything. It goes both ways.
As things have gone, the line between “mine” and “hers” has blurred to the point that, unless it’s a high dollar value item, it’s just ours. Because bothering to remember who paid for what is a waste of time and effort. Cars, yes, anything else? Probably not.
I generally agree with the caveat that having each other as a safety net of sorts has allowed my partner and I to be much more aggressive in our professional careers than we would have otherwise. While we don’t need each other we certainly enable each other because should the need arise we both know that we wouldn’t be left out to dry alone.
Agreed. Both me and my partner had need for medical leave from work, while that includes some income from the government, it’s about half of the usual amount we would earn if we were working. So, when I was out, she stepped up, when she was out, I stepped up.
That’s just what you do when things go sideways. 90% of the time or more, we’re completely independent. The time we spend together is because we want to spend that time together.
Reminds me of the book, The Missing Piece by Shel Silverstein.
No piece is going to fill you just right. Have to learn to roll on your own before you can roll with someone else.
We read this to our kid for years. Hopefully the message stuck
Interesting concept from what you’ve described.
As I take it, you’ll never find someone who perfectly makes you whole, so you have to become whole on your own before you go and find someone to partner with for life.
Grab the book from the library and read it. Even as an adult, it’s an important message. Don’t even need to check it out. Takes five minutes cover to cover.
It’s like, maybe you think you are the missing piece for someone else. You’re a pie-shaped triangle. You can’t roll on your own. So you’re looking for a circle that is missing a slice. Some you’ll be too big and won’t fit, or too small and you’ll fall out. Some will break. Some will break you. Some will neglect you. Others will put you on a pedestal.
But it you start trying to roll on your own as a triangle, and you can will yourself to just flop over one time, and then again, and then again, eventually your corners will wear down and you will become a full circle, and be able to roll all on your own.
