I’m very lonely and live thousands of kilometres from home, the only person I have in my daily life is one friend. lately he’s been pretty obsessed with this girl and we haven’t been talking so much because of it so I thought it would be the perfect time to through with it since I had a lot of alone time. I won’t go into detail about what happened next but I do recall coming-to and him knowing I was depressed and not hearing from me for days he had decided to check up on me and see how I’m doing. when I explained to him what happened he broke down into tears and it’s the only time I’ve seen him cry in the 7 years I’ve known him. I’m just shocked, I always wondered firsthand how people would feel if I did it and now I think I know. my family is really far away so they probably won’t ever know this happened but I just don’t know how to feel. I’m tired of feeling so much pain but I also take other emotions into account now, no antidepressants or therapists have ever been enough to heal the damage of a fucked up life. just don’t know how to feel.

  • dontblink@feddit.itEnglish
    1·
    7 days ago

    Have you checked out other types of therapies? Not all therapies are the same and not all medicines are the same!

    You might just be missing what works for you! Don’t get discouraged, I have been in therapy for 4 years and only after this time I understood that my therapist doesn’t make it for me anymore!

    I have PTSD from childhood trauma and from what I’ve read many therapists focus on other symptoms without actually addressing the core trauma.

    Currently changing therapy with a microdosing friendly Gestalt therapist! Just the fact of standing for myself in one of the ugliest times makes me feel so proud.

    Whatever you do, don’t stop trying and don’t stop seeking for alternative solutions. Think about how you managed to live with all this pain until now, and how strong you are for that. Most of the others cannot know how much strength is required to deal with such emotions.

    Think if one day you will unlock this all, think how many beautiful things you could do with the consciousness of how it feels to actually feel bad!

    • AnotherFuture@sh.itjust.worksOPEnglish
      2·
      27 days ago

      thank you, I appreciate it. watching that video is a good idea, it’s made me more self aware before, maybe I’ll rewatch it every so often to lock in

      • ProbablyBaysean@lemmy.caEnglish
        1·
        26 days ago

        I have been thinking about further tips that have helped me. I have felt like my happiness set point has moved lower over time ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Well-being_contributing_factors ).

        I have tried the following interventions stabilizing sleep, exercise (focus on cardio and stretching), cognitive behavioral therapy (which backfired spectacularly), religious texts, pgarmaceuticals, and platitude/mantra meditation.

        Some insights that may help:

        • daily short religious text study is helpful. It has diminishing returns, so set a timer if you spend longer than 15 mins.
        • negative thoughts and experiences envelop like a blanket and affect every fiber of your personality. Attempting to do the opposite with platitudes is hard work (almost like flexing your abs before lifting something heavy), but doing so with thoughtful platitudes can make a positive self fulfilling prophesy.
        • platitudes used in this manner are most effective if used with purpose: what do you want right now that is difficult? Now I believe these platitudes that strengthen me because I want x!

        Good luck, I genuinely hope you feel better.

  • girlthing@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    1·
    24 days ago

    no antidepressants or therapists have ever been enough to heal the damage of a fucked up life

    I feel this… been through several at this point, didn’t really do much for me. I’d keep trying anyway, but I don’t have access right now, so I’m just trying a bunch of stuff to see what will stick.

    Right now I’m giving tonglen a shot. The hard part is getting myself to do it (hello, executive dysfunction!), but so far it seems to be helping a bit. (I recommend checking out that book either way, some interesting ideas in there)