Let’s have a lunch and learn!
“You don’t have a sense of urgency to get things done”. I usually get this when I’m going crazy to get things done so my status reports and presentations suffer. I understand paperwork is necessary, but can’t you at least say that rather than claiming I’m not getting things done. Meanwhile they’re satisfied with my sends of urgency to get things done if I just ignore my work and pamper them with status reports and PowerPoints.
IME, when they talk about sense of urgency, they want you to cut corners and rush through everything, but somehow make no mistakes. Usually said when you’ve been assigned double the normal workload for your position.
“Department / Corporate Retreat”
As in, “we’re holding our annual corporate retreat next Wednesday! It’ll be offsite, you’re all required to be there, and we’ll be spending the day having a 6 hour meeting about absolutely nothing, just like we do every year. But dont worry, when we’re done we’ll play a game no one wants to play, or do a craft no one wants to do, but everyone will pretend they enjoy it because if they don’t, they’re not ‘team players.’”
This year, our day-long-nothing-meeting was about how management is working to secure everyone’s jobs despite budget cuts, and we have nothing to worry about. Then we took a personality quiz that said I was a character from Stranger Things. Then the next day, they told me I’m getting laid off and have 3 months left at the company.
Fucking RETREATS are so relaxing.
Anything they use to replace the word “layoffs”.
Rightsizing
Fun sizing
Excising.
- bandwidth
- massage
- ping
What do you have against massages? I find them relaxing.
I don’t remember what it was exactly but someone said something along the lines of “we’ll need to massage it a bit as we roll it out” regarding a new system being implemented.
Oh god I’ve heard that one many times before as well. It’s like adult baby talk
I used to have a coworker who would also say things like “I’ll ping you after the meeting” and I’d chuckle because it sounded so stupid.
One day he asked me why I was smirking and I lied and told him “You know what ‘pinging’ means, right? It’s the act of putting a metal rod in your urethra and tapping it with a tuning fork.”
He NEVER said it again.
I always think of the
pingcommand line utility because I haven’t really used the word outside that context ever.He NEVER said [ping] again.
Alright, I’ll peg you instead!
The Q3 numbers have a life of their own. Growing, shrinking, zig zagging all over the place. Pushing needles, pulling levers. And fyi, the roi is tbd. high five synergy!
This sounds like an Eric Andre sketch
Here at Lemmy, we are steadfastly committed to leveraging our core competencies in order to drive strategic alignment across all functional units. Our focus remains unwavering on fostering a culture of continuous innovation and optimizing synergies that propel us towards achieving scalable growth and value creation for our stakeholders. By embracing agile methodologies and harnessing cutting-edge technologies, we endeavor to stay ahead of the curve, ensuring robust ROI while maintaining unparalleled customer-centricity in every facet of our operations.
Should you have any further inquiries or require additional insights into our visionary pursuits, please do not hesitate to connect with us. Together, let’s pioneer new paradigms and redefine excellence!
I had a manager who at the end of every meeting (and I mean EVERY meeting) said “go team!” It was especially annoying since he wasn’t actually present in 99.9% of those meetings.
Sometimes I say this in a glib or sarcastic or ironic kind of way. It’s not an “every meeting” kind of thing.
I’m not a manager but maybe a supervisor I guess.
Referring to people, staff as resources. Nice and dehumanizing.
An old line manager referred to me as a resource in front of me once. I should have told her to fuck off.
I’ve heard “human capital” before. The soulless fucks make others a commodity by stripping the mere mention of their existance of its humanity.
“We’re family”
#1 toxic workplace red flag
Unrelated but I only recently realised that when someone says they believe in family values it means they want to impose their definition of “family” on everyone else.
From an employer I guess when they refer to family they’re really referring to a bond beyond work, which basically means they’re expecting more from you than you’re paid for?
I’ve found from employers it tends to mean “we should be valued and given time at least on par, but we’ll push for more, than your actual family. Work will call you at any time of day or night and you should be ready to drop everything and get in on no notice.”
I fell for this once. Thought it sounded great. Everyone at that place hated each other, constantly spread rumors and sabotaged each other’s work.
- Holistic
- Double Click
- Table Stakes
- Jump Ball
- Blocking & Tackling
Flywheel. Stop.
We are working on a new strategy
Please socialise the requirement throughout your teams
when they give thier non-apology apologies.
Let’s take it offline
My thoughts exactly…Every time I walk by the door that says “server room.”
