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“Somehow, Palpatine has returned!” v2: LOTR Boogaloo
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My name is Frodo… Frodo Skywalker.
use the schwarz, frodo!
The ring was destroyed. But little did we know: it’s true purpose was to aid in the construction of a Death Star, which is now almost complete…
Well, Arda is Melkor’s ring. He’s going to re-shape it into a death star and blow up Illuvatar.
Imagine all the Hobbits solo spin off shows that i you cant pay me to watch.
I would absolutely pay money for a slice of life hobbit spin off. No grand quest to save the world, just a few hobbit friends getting into trouble around the Shire and stealing veggies from some farmer’s garden before getting drunk at the inn. It’s exactly the feel good type of show I like.
I would also be interested in the high stakes political drama of trying to win the gardening competition every year.
❝But they were all of them deceived, for another ring was made. In the land of Mordor, in the fires of Mount Doom, the Dark Lord Sauron forged, in secret, a Ultra Master Ring™️ to control all others. And into this Ring he poured all his spare cruelty, his extra malice and his leftover will to dominate all life. An Extra Ring to rule them all.❞
And the shape of that ring? A key blade.
🤮
Extra lord of the extra rings, the return of the extra king
How long til LOTR enters the public domain?
“Now look at this hologram showing the original The One Ring. And now here’s The Ultra Master Ring. You can see it’s almost three times bigger than The One Ring.”
I know this is all in jest, but I imagined a One Ring the size of a hobbit bracelet and then imagined a cave troll discovering it and what sort of dark Lord a big dumb bastard like him would become.
This is ripe for fanfiction.
A cave troll could have actually worn the One Ring in actual LOTR canon. One of the Ring’s powers was to change size. That’s how it slipped off Gollum’s finger at just the right time to have Bilbo pick it up. If the Ring wanted to abandon a Bearer, it could simply expand in size at an opportune moment. You think Frodo and Sauron had the same ring size?
The only real issue is that in order to fit on a cave troll’s hand, the Ring would have had to want to be worn by a cave troll. It certainly could expand large enough to fit a cave troll’s hand, but only if the Ring desired that for some reason.
If I was the one ring, I would grow so big and wear middle earth
Well, that would have been one way for Sauron to quickly find the damn thing.
Right perpendicular to the “axis” going through Mordor so Sauron couldn’t easily find me. Because it would be funny!
(Note: I have no idea if the world in which middle earth is set/embedded is actually spherical to make this possible. Although a flat-ish world, provided its perimeter was round-ish enough could also work…
Someone who has read the silmarilion or similar please inform/correct me, thank you!)
Lots of jewellery. Got to bring it all back to the old volcano. No fly zone for eagles, again. Damn.
One bracelet to rule them all. Two earrings to find them. A necklace to bind them. Maybe a fancy gold watch.
Perhaps a diadem? The ol HP-LOTR crossover?
honestly the idea of a blinged out bad guy who is only powerful due to their 500 enchanted pieces of jewelry is pretty sick, their one crippling weakness is that every step makes them jingle like a christmas carol
jingle-jingle
Legolas: Oh shit… Glamrond the Fabulous draws near…
jingle -jingle
Gimli: What do you hear with your elf ears?
jingle-jingle
Legolas: He is… Dripping with Rizz…
oh god and of course they’d have a pimp stick for a wand, perhaps yeezys of the traveller?
Probably would make more financial sense to Disney to just wait until it becomes public domain
I don’t know man, the rate we’re going 2044 ain’t lookin too good…
They’re gonna start again beginning with 1 AT
“The Ring was destroyed.”
This is kind of the plot of the Shadow of War game, but that’s just a non-cannon (I hope) video game, so it was fun
To be fair, the resistance being flabbergasted and in the dark at the return of their dead arch nemesis is actually quite reasonable. The return itself also harkens back to the prequels when Palpatine mentions Darth Plagueis.
The reason the Disney era movies are so underwhelming is a lack of soul and other writing blunders.
Honestly, the idea that the good guys win and then forget that they have to continue to be vigilant and let the evil they defeated come back is as topical now as it was in 2015
The movies feel like toddlers making up the story as they play with figurines.
That got me a chuckle. It does look like that.
Checklist movies. It becomes more important for the movie to have X element due to marketing reasons rather than plot reasons.
If the movie has more marketing elements than plot elements, it’s a checklist movie.
Honestly, I’d rather them have let toddlers make up the story while playing with figurines. I was certainly coming up with better plotlines than what they shat out with the sequels when I was a kid.
Episode 9, absolutely.
The Last Jedi is an anarchist critique of Star Wars that somehow got made into a Star Wars.
If disney does what disney usually does, LOTR will be dead to me.
Who cares what any of the movies do? The LotR is originally the written work. The books are the substance.
They’re already doing it with TV shows, animated films etc. Disney would just do more of the same, I’d imagine…
I can only imagine what Jolkein Rolkein Rolkein Tolkein would make of it all.
Sauron checks under the couch cushions and BOOM, more profit!
2 Lord 2 Rings
Blursed comment
Two rings to rule them all!
Tolkien himself considered revisiting Middle Earth for a new “uprising”, but discarded it because it didn’t and probably couldn’t recapture the magic. Plus it probably felt too much like reality.
IIRC, he began writing another installment set in the 4th age, but abandoned it, because now that the main evils were dealt with, all that was left to happen was the world of men betraying each other, and it very quickly became a boring, depressing tale that just didn’t need to exist.
The 4th age is game of thrones.
So basically he was going to write game of thrones? Although he may have actually finished it…
And maybe dany wouldn’t have kinda forgot about the iron fleet
“The New Shadow”. He wrote about 13 pages and discarded the idea for reasons you mention.
Hollywood producers: “13 pages, you say? That’s enough for a new trilogy!”
[laughs in Disney executive] “each page is enough for at least a 12 episode season of a one hour drama!”
And we can always add filler through nostalgia bait. For goodness sake, audiences still don’t know where Aragorn got the boot he wore when kicking the helmet!
We need a light-hearted but edgy sitcom based around the the flawed but lovable family that runs the Prancing Pony.
‘It’s Always Sunny In Brandywine’.
Introducing the newest Middle Earth installment: “Tom Bombadill Kicks the Shit Out of Everyone”
Wherein Tom Bombadil restores the balance of nature by skipping across the lands, singing ditties, and punching everyone in the nuts real hard.
Technically, he had like 15 of them things.
Yes, but it was a bit like having a radio station and 14 small radios laying around 📻.
So one ring is a transmitter and the others are receivers.
“Welcome back to Radio Free Mordor. Now to tell you the story of how I taught the Elves craftsmanship, a story that Elrond doesn’t want you to hear.”
one ring to rule them all
20 to be exact, 9 human, 7 dwarven, 3 elven and his own
